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well am i am happy today? this morning it is really to early to tell. i was out late last night and as a result late to work this morning, does any of this make me unhappy? only if i allow it to. so the reason i do not know if i am happy or not, is that i have barely got moving.
i do know that happiness is a choice that i can make based on how i choose to view the world around me and my life in general. what this means to me is that happiness is a relative thing but the reading was not really about being or not being happy -- what i think it was about, is finding happiness in serving the fellowship that brought me from the emotional and spiritual gutter where i was dwelling.
there are days when my service is a great source of happiness and joy, and there are days when i want nothing to do with addicts and our fellowship. i just want to go away and be normal again! i just want to crawl back into my bed, pull my covers over my head and pretend that this is all some really bad dream and that the service obligations i have accumulated over the course of my recovery will just go away. but mostly, what i feel when i think about serving my fellowship is a sense of gratitude. here, at the last house on the street, is a group of people who share my warped way of living and thinking, who trust and respect me enough to allow me to be of service to something that is critical to our ongoing existence.
and you know, right now, here in this moment, that concept in itself is making me happy!
∞ DT ∞