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i forget, however, that happiness is a choice; no one can make me happy.
i really do not know how much i agree with happiness being a choice, BUT i do believe that material things, other people and situations cannot be what makes me happy. what the reading speaks to me about, is that happiness is a manner of looking at the things that comprise my life, and it that respect i can agree that it would be a choice, i could get stuck right here arguing whether i can choose my feelings or not, but that is a topic for another day. today what i am pondering is the how i can make the choice to be happy, regardless of what my head is telling me. i often get confused about the nature of what i am feeling and slip back into the dark mindset that i walked into recovery with on that fateful day. everything and everyone was against me, and the only time i felt anything close to happiness was when i was getting away with something, getting over on someone, or just coming out way ahead. to me, that was pure satisfaction that even the substances were unable to consistently provide. there was a price to pay later as always, but that is when the drugs did their task and relieved me of the uncomfortable feelings of guilt and shame.
so sitting here today, i do understand that finding happiness is one of the jobs i need to do. no one and nothing can make me happy, despite what i may believe at the time. BUT if i choose to look at the gifts that i have been given, and who and what is now a part of my life, i just may find the happiness that seemed ever so elusive way back when. am i happy today? yes i am, i get a chance to serve the fellowship that has provides me the means of becoming the man i always wanted to be. i have material success and the problems that arise out of that success. i have the ability to love and be loved today and most of all i get the chance to decide to stay clean one more day. all of those things could make me happy but the manner in which i choose to view them is the key to my happiness, i am not worried whether my glass is half empty or half full, i am just happy it has any water in it at all! so off to enjoy this holiday with froiends and family...

∞ DT ∞