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meaningful life, is one of reward of a life based on spiritual principles, the current state of the world, at home and on a global scale aside. i do understand that happiness is a choice and in my opinion, i can choose to be happy, without putting on my rose-coloured glasses and seeking a silver lining in every “negative” aspect of my life. the most germane question, for me anyhow, is whether or not i am choosing to be happy, right here and right now? over the past twenty-four hours there have been elements of my life that make that question, difficult to answer. co-workers, end of life software and self-involved house guests, certainly provided enough ammunition for me to spin down into darkness and although i am loathe to say it, “made me” unhappy.
as anyone who reads me on any sort of regular basis knows, i am not a Siouxie Sunshine and have a tendency towards being a Gloomy Gustav. of course, i can fall back on my excuse that is just who i am and walk away, great work when one can get it. this morning as i recover from a lack of sleep, due to a much later night than necessary at work, i feel less upset and frustrated at the cause than i normally would. the fact that i have to interact with some of the most odious and obtuse people on a daily basis, is my reality. i can say that griping and whining about them, certainly helps and cutting them off from this or that, as passive-aggressive as it may be, makes me feel better as i attempt to equalize the pain they cause me. there i go again, disparaging myself and focusing on the what is not, me not being all loving, kind and spiritual to those who may need it the most. well, i am no saint, nor any kind of recovery guru and an eye for an eye was a lifestyle i lived for far too long, so i will live with being imperfect and move along.
back to the topic at hand, as imperfect and human as i may be, i certainly can choose to accept what it is i do not “like” in my life and realize that the only thing i can change about those three thorns in my size, is how i react to the feelings that arise from them. i have time in lock-down to work on finding the next job in my career and polish up my skills. sooner or later, my house guest will cross the line and find their overly entitled, manipulative and attention-seeking ass out on the street. keeping the lights on as i look for something else, will keep me from dealing with the co-worker who just cannot “get it.” once i get past being the martyred victim here, i no longer need to “balance” the angst scales, as i can be satisfied and content with the overall direction my life is taking. hmmm, that might even mean, just for right now, i can CHOOSE to be happy! 🤸
time to gets some steps in, before someone asks me to do something that upsets my apple-cart! it is a good day to be clean and on this side of the lawn, COVID-19 and idiots in government, aside.

∞ DT ∞