Blog entry for:

they are not perfect, they are my best hope! as i sit here this morning, trying to figure out if i should be whining about how unfair everything is, or sending an e-mail to the last gig i had down in Denver, or getting ready to run or yargh even just getting in the shower and back to work, i can take a minute to pause and contemplate what is really important to me this morning.
FIRST OFF: i am clean, and by all appearances healthy.
with that as a basis to start my day, i can slow down and take the time to think about today's topic and write about what is in my heart.
yes, i got tossed quite a curve ball to my plan for security, two days ago. yes it sucks that the place i thought was going to provide me the security of full-time employment had a shelf life of 48 hours. and yes it sucks that i left a perfectly good gig in Denver and now have to look for a new one. yes all of that sucks, and i COULD, if i chose to scream about how unfair it all is, and how i am being tested by some sort of capricious HIGHER POWER and like JOB i MUST pass the test to get what i deserve. the real truth, at least as i see it. it was time for me to make the jump, BUT my next opportunity has not become visible to me yet. i have work to do, and i have the ability to look for my next chance at secure, long-term employment OR barring that enough work to keep me busy and in cigars as a once again self-employed web application and website developer.
all of that, and i have yet to get to the whole trust thang. ironic, that when i have to write about trusting others, it comes down to trusting the POWER that fuels my recovery to provide me the opportunity to get whatever it is that i NEED! irony aside, i was not trustworthy when i got here, and i see very few newcomers that walk into the rooms, that i would say are trustworthy as well. in fact, as a class, i would venture to say, that addicts in active addiction and very early recovery are probably less trustworthy that the general population. HOWEVER, it has been my experience, that as those who walk into the rooms learn to walk the walk, that they become MORE trustworthy than the general public. that transformation does not happen all at once, BUT it does happen in most cases. with that thought in mind, today i can trust my fellow members with my life and most of what is going on in my life. the other stuff? well i have a sponsor and closed-mouth friends that i can trust with that, and guess what, THEY, TOO, ARE MEMBERS OF THIS FELLOWSHIP. deep down, i would love to trust every single human being with my will and my life, i am glad HOWEVER that the program i find my recovery within, does not require that of me. what it asks me to do, is to decide to entrust the care of my will and my life to the POWER that fuels my recovery and LET GO. trusting my fellow members to do the next right thing, at least in the respect of what the plan of the POWER that fuels my recovery, well that is a FAITH question, and one that at least right here, in the comfort of my home office, i can do without reservations. as to what happens when i open the door and face the real world? well i too, am a work in progress, certainly far from perfect, who is doing his best to live up tot he spiritual principles that are this program of recovery.
what am i going to do next? i do believe that although i DO NOT want to, a run is probably the next right thing to do this morning and allow the events of today, to unfold as they will.

∞ DT ∞