Blog entry for:

i often wonder where i would be, if i had not found recovery and a fellowship where i could learn to trust other people. the fact is, is trusted no one, on my way out of active addiction and i believed that everyone was lying about how long they were clean and the depths of their addiction, when i first came to the rooms. i could believe those who said they had not had a drop of alcohol for long periods of time, but i was certain that they too, had a back-up plan. as i kept coming back, i finally came to believe that those who dais they were clean, actually were, and there was no “back-up” plan or loophole.
when i finally became a member and stopped looking for recovery in whatever twelve step meeting was the closest and most convenient, i started to trust myself and find that i could start trusting others as well. i may not be any sort or recovery saint, guru or pillar of virtue, but i have learned how to do what i say i am going to do and not make commitments that i cannot keep. i no longer need to hide under the mantle of self-righteousness. as i grew into being trustworthy, so my trust of other grew as well. do not get me wrong, i have been burned more than once in recovery, by someone flaking out or spreading tales out of school and have accepted that is part of the risk of being trusting.
am i always a stalwart person, who lives life in perfect harmony and integrity? oh no, not by a long-shot. what i am though, is forgiving of others when they falter and capable of owning my wrongs, when i falter. this morning, i am having issues getting through to my dentist. not sure what is going on, but it may be time to seek a new one. i am not all that enamored with the dentist themselves, but i have a certain fondness for the hygienist, as she has always been kind, patient and painless. if i make the move, i will not be looking back and that saddens me, as learning to trust a new dental practice, is always a painful, in more ways than one, experience. anyhow time to slip away for a coffee beverage and a bit of time away from a computer screen. it is a good day to be clean and take care of my needs.

∞ DT ∞