Blog entry for:

even when i KNEW the results would be disastrous? OF COURSE, even to this day, that kind of insanity still rules my life from time to time! to say anything less, would be more than just disingenuous. the reading does not tell me to stop that insanity, nor does it promise me freedom from that insanity, it merely strongly suggests that i CONSIDER the consequence of such nut-ball behavior and accept them before deciding to act.
before i go on, i have to fess up here. i actually read and meditated on tomorrow's reading, when i started this day. imagine my surprise, when i was reading through for my seed and i discovered nothing about spiritual lenses and everything about thinking before i act. seriously, really? i was more in tune with changing my outlook than i was with accepting the consequences. however this is a just for today program, and although i may find considering and accepting consequences distasteful from time to time, taking the opportunity to think before i act, is certainly a symptom of my new found sanity.
in my life today, and i mean in the real here and now, there are more than enough examples and object lessons, of what happens to those who just act. although i want to mention one or two specific examples of how someone else is behaving, i do believe i will stick with my actions and reactions only.
once again i will be playing life guard for a friend, cleaning up the details he left unfinished before he decided to act without regard to his consequences. last night, in my TENTH STEP and as i was praying before i finished my day and allowed Morpheus to take me away, i asked to be relieved of my obsession over what he did and what he may or may not ask me to do. i was angry and at that time full of spite. the POWER that fuels my recovery, protected me from myself, by arranging things so i did not have to speak to my friend, last night. waking up this morning, i am still clueless as to what i NEED to do, and what boundaries i NEED to set and enforce, but i KNOW that they will be set, and ones previously set will be enforced. i also understand that there will be consequences for my decisions and this morning i am okay with them. the consequences for making the decision to all ow the POWER that fuels my recovery, to take this from me, is that i GET to have more than a moment of FREEDOM from trying to figure out, how to navigate the minefield of resentment and anger, that i have already laid down around this issue and survive, no strike that THRIVE for another day.
what else is happening in my life today? well i am slowing down in the morning and putting off the heinous drive into the office. i want to be FREE from this commute, i WILL be free one day, BUT today is not that day, dag-nabbit! i know my current step assignment, is to consciously alter my daily routine in little ways, but this is really throwing me for a loop. i want to get working early so i can get relaxing early as well. and as silly as all of that sounds, it certainly is paramount in my mind as i consider what to do in these mornings, especially when i am up at 530 AM. well today i am just finishing everything up and i am now going to jump in the shower and see what a difference 1 hour later makes in my commute. today i am okay with the fact that when i get to work, i will have already spent an hour getting there and not be pissed off at that fact, after all, the consequence for not accepting reality in this respect is that i live in resentment and start looking for change, and that particular search may have the consequences that are NOT anywhere close to my desires and aspirations. so into the shower and off to work i go, in that order and yes i will remember that i can do anything i want, even if i decide to not consider the consequences of my actions.

∞ DT ∞