Blog entry for:

may certainly be part of addiction, HOWEVER, my recovery is all about connection and purpose, even if i am clueless as to what my purpose just may be. i know that just for today, my purpose is to stay clean for another day. to foster that purpose i need a connection to the POWER that fuels my recovery, my peers in recovery and to a program of active recovery. for me, anything less, is certainly playing with the sort of fire i could and more than likely would start my slide back into active addiction and after a minute clean, that is not something i choose to face, just for today.
now that i have got the “party line” out of the way, i can move on. i often make that sick joke about the recovery basics being the party line, the reality for me has been that is what has allowed me to be who i am today, an addict with a minute clean and the desire to add another day to that minute. i am certainly no model of a recovering addict, although i have played one in my time in recovery. i do not have all the answers, although i have often acted as if i did. i certainly do not work a perfect program and i can keep going down this list, but the facts are, no matter how well i have implemented my recovery program, it has been sufficient to get me to this point in my life. for that i am grateful today.
this morning i just had to peek at my genetic results, without having a professional there to guide me through what those results reveal. in black and white, i am screwed by bad genes and cancer will be my future in one form or another. i debated whether or not to share that raw fact with my spouse and decided i might as well, just as i will share with her, what the oncologist says today about how someone like me can proceed without living under the shadow of FEAR. from this point in my life, i will need to be a whole lot closer to the medical profession than i really have the desire to be. and as Kurt Vonnegut has said more than once “and so it goes…” life is not too terrible today and i will pay attention this afternoon to what is beimng said and ask the questions that i have been generating in my head for the past two months. after all, ignorance is NOT bliss, just for today.

∞ DT ∞