Blog entry for:

certainly feels as if i am saying, **damn the torpedoes, Mr Ripley, full speed ahead.** living in this THIRD STEP, the reading is more than a bit apt for me today. as i continue to deal with the fallout of my recent life, i wonder how much impulse was really involved. it is true, i did not have to leave the house when i did on Friday afternoon, and was following an “impulse” to get something i really did not need. that impulsive decision led me to where i am today, looking for a replacement vehicle and trying to figure out how tho deal with the aches and pains of the tremendous amount of kinetic energy that my sudden stop transferred to my human body. what is up, is that i am feeling regret for my decision last Friday, as i did not anticipate having to get a new car, simply because i decided to get out of the house and run a quick errand. i guess the fact of the matter is, every time i get in my car and drive down the road, there is ALWAYS the chance that another driver or even me, will do something that is “less than stellar” and the consequence will be a motor vehicle accident. do i now live in FEAR and dread getting behind the wheel of a car, or even riding i any automobile? i certainly could go there, and there would be no impulse involved, merely a projection of the slight chance of being in an accident being magnified to a certainly.
yes i could live there and yes getting in my car and driving certainly may have the consequences of a major life-altering accident occurring. i have, however, lived in FEAR for long enough and i can choose to allow my FEAR to victimize me to a state of paralysis and agoraphobia, or i can accept that i am powerless over how others behave and do my best to keep my side of the street clean. although this has strayed off topic it may not be a bad discussion for this morning.
coming back to living on impulse, once i thought that sort of decision-making process was being carefree and spontaneous. perhaps i could look at it that way and many of those decisions did not lead to unpleasant consequences, even today. if i had a deliberative process for all i did today, i would be trapped in a world of “what ifs,” unable to do anything, go anywhere or even carry on a conversation. some things in my life, i have to just do and accept the consequences. it is true, that my next car may not be as reliable, as fun or as pretty as my totaled car was, but does that mean i take more than my seven days to find one? nope, i am going to have to trust my intuition on this one, just as i did the last two times my car for life, got destroyed by my bad decisions or those around me. basically those car purchases were based on impulse and neither one of those decisions led me to regret that choice. i have yet to find the car that has just jumped out of the page and said “buy me,” yet. that does not mean i will stop looking and move along. what i am feeling today, is that perhaps, instead of trying to replace the car i really, really liked with the same car, that maybe i need to branch out a bit and see what else may be out there. <GASP> open my mind to the possibility of something new and different. hmmm, certainly worth a try. with that in mind, i think i will wrap this up and get a walk with the dawg in, before the snow starts flying again.

∞ DT ∞