Blog entry for:

well, as a day, it has been quite a full one. time to take a nap and allow the events to wash through me and settle where they will. i would love to write about new knowledge that i acquired today, but that does not seem a prudent thing to do. in other words, i am not willing to accept the consequences of caving into that impulse. i would love to vent or crow about how fVcking spiritual i was when given the opportunity to feed into the judgement of someone else, about yes another party. if i was one of those who believe that opportunities to behave in a fashion contrary to my stated values, was all about my spiritual fitness being put to a “trial by fire,” test. no when those opportunities arise, i see them as an opportunity to affirm my belief system and not some sort cosmic test of where i am in my recovery. so it is true, i did not engage in bashing and tearing down, even though i was given the opportunity to do so.
i spoke of my day being full, i spent forty five minutes on the phone with a friend and sponsee, went to my home group and listened to another sponsee's THIRD STEP, before arriving home to compose this ditty to the denizens of the interwebs. each decision i have made today, at least the conscious ones, was been with a mind towards what the consequences were for me, either those i like and those i do not. yes, i would call the price, consequences i do not like, and the prize those i do, just to be absolutely clear. like them or not, consequences happen, and when i was using, more times than not, i was cognizant of what the consequences may be, but chose to ignore them, or pretend that regardless, i would have done what i did. i have a friend that is once again living out o\\his consequences, even after he had already decided to do something different.for him, it was too late and his implementation of that decisions, to impress those he respected ended up with him being back in the same old spot. as sad as that may seem, when i apply that same sort of test to my life, there is a quite delicious irony in action. just because i decide to do something, implementation is far more important than my motives or looking good. i can be on the path of “salvation,” but if i rob a bank to finance that journey, i have dropped the ball in implementation and the devil in those details will always bite me in my proverbial a$$.
so the consequences of napping? well less snoring tonight and a bit more work before football tomorrow. today, that is more than acceptable as what i want and need to accomplish this weekend, is really not all that much. in the mean time, well i will wrap this up, read the news and see what pops next, maybe a nap is not the next right thing to do.

∞ DT ∞