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and face life on its own terms, so why not from the start?
there are a few addicts in my recovery circle who do not get this, but that is their stuff. for me, the fellowship i came into was all about protecting the newcomer, finding them a place to live, a job and an instant circle of best friends. i am certain that was just how the local members did it, but it really put me off, but did not seem to contribute to my eventual desertion of that fellowship, for the one i call home today. no, this is exactly where i belong and the 12 STEPS may be the 12 STEPS but how they are practiced is night and day, between the fellowships that have been part of my recovery journey. that is not what i am here to write about today.
thinking back on the mollycoddling i saw, i remember thinking, all of that attention is nice, but what happens when life comes down on them? will those same members be there in six months to help shoulder the burden, or will they have moved on to the next flavor of the month? that question was answered to my great satisfaction, but that answer is nothing i need to repeat here, anyone with any time on their own recovery journey knows what happened.
the fellowship that i am part of these days, allows and encourages our newcomers to start walking on their own from the very start. there are not a whole lot of nannies here and that is a good thing. yes, the FNG is the most important person in the room, but giving them money, shelter and employment is a handout, no matter how you slice it, and no a hand up. sooner, rather than later i discovered that i had to develop my own set of relationships, learn how to support myself and how to create a mostly comfortable life. i had to move from the lie of self-sufficiency to self-support and those in my recovery life, became my peers, my mentors, my friend and my sponsors. they taught me, that the SEVENTH TRADITION was not just about groups and the greatest gift that i could give to the FNG, was the HOPE, that no matter what happened, i could and did stay clean. it is not my responsibility to provide for the care and feeding of the FNG, and that my responsibility is to show them a way through walking what i talk, that they too, can recover and find a new way of life.
as you can tell, for some reason i am more than a bit passionate about this topic. perhaps it is…
it really does not matter why i feel the way i feel, what matters today, is that i walk away from this and help the newcomer who is willing to ask for help. i remember how difficult that was for me,and i am certain that it is no less difficult for those who are walking into the rooms today. yes life is tough and as the reading reminds me, life for a FNG is probably tougher than mine is today. i will take my responsibility seriously and give away what was so freely given to me. the real HOPE is that by doing this program one day at a time, i have arrived at a place, where i can tolerate life on life's most of the time and accept it as well. that my friends is one of the gifts of recovery, that just for today, no matter what i can stay clean.

∞ DT ∞