ฮด recovery, and life itself, contain equal parts of pain and joy. ฮฑ
Posted: Fri, Nov 3, 2006 08:18:23 AM
it is important to share both so the newcomer can know that we stay clean no matter what.
yes i find myself editing what i share, and part of me says that it is for the newcomers, after all what hope is there for them, if members with time are still miserable. what i really have discovered, is that for me, it is all a matter of appearances and the newcomer is just my excuse for sharing only sweetness and light. so the reading is a double-edged sword for me today, it cuts to my heart and open my eyes to what is going on.
intellectually i know that misery is part of everyone’s life, whether or not they are in active addiction, in recovery or just plain normal without the disease of addiction present at all. i am cultured to hide what is really going on in my life from the entire world, even those whom i trust or share my life with. so the process of recovery has been quite a journey for me, and i have just started it! i am more open about what is going on in my life, but i still choose to stuff some of the less attractive parts of my being. the result of which blows up on everyone around me, as evidenced by my behavior the other evening. so what i am walking away with, this morning, is that i NEED to continue to allow the process to work,. i NEED to stop listening to my disease and the culture that i came from. and i NEED to allow myself to share honestly with someone all the time. being closed off and trying to recover is just not working for me anymore. and part of that honesty will be to turn my pain into HOPE, when i finally can start to honestly share about it, most of the time. after all my experience has been that no matter how much i hurt, i do not need to use PERIOD, and that is the HOPE of recovery. so off to the showers and out into the real world, life is just waiting to happen for me!
yes i find myself editing what i share, and part of me says that it is for the newcomers, after all what hope is there for them, if members with time are still miserable. what i really have discovered, is that for me, it is all a matter of appearances and the newcomer is just my excuse for sharing only sweetness and light. so the reading is a double-edged sword for me today, it cuts to my heart and open my eyes to what is going on.
intellectually i know that misery is part of everyone’s life, whether or not they are in active addiction, in recovery or just plain normal without the disease of addiction present at all. i am cultured to hide what is really going on in my life from the entire world, even those whom i trust or share my life with. so the process of recovery has been quite a journey for me, and i have just started it! i am more open about what is going on in my life, but i still choose to stuff some of the less attractive parts of my being. the result of which blows up on everyone around me, as evidenced by my behavior the other evening. so what i am walking away with, this morning, is that i NEED to continue to allow the process to work,. i NEED to stop listening to my disease and the culture that i came from. and i NEED to allow myself to share honestly with someone all the time. being closed off and trying to recover is just not working for me anymore. and part of that honesty will be to turn my pain into HOPE, when i finally can start to honestly share about it, most of the time. after all my experience has been that no matter how much i hurt, i do not need to use PERIOD, and that is the HOPE of recovery. so off to the showers and out into the real world, life is just waiting to happen for me!
∞ DT ∞