Blog entry for:

feet was one of the notions that made the fellowship attractive to me, way back when. i am so glad i did not become a **project** of one of my peers, who were already in recovery, getting a job, a place to live and a circle of friends, just because i showed up and another member **needed** a newcomer in their life. as a result of being allowed to stand and walk towards recovery from my very first day, i am of the mind, that is what i need to do, when a FNG comes into the room. i know that many of my peers believe i take this to an extreme and perhaps i do. what i have seen though, is those who attempt to walk from the very beginning, seem to be the ones that stick around and keep coming back.
last night, as i was taking stock of my day, i felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude that these days, when i go to bed, i will not be waking up to answer a call from work. it went much further than that, as i realized i was not spending hours and hours and hours on the phone, in front of my work laptop, trying to figure out what was going wrong. in fact, i have an excellent work and life balance these days and i find myself a whole lot less stressed and a whole lot less angry, even if the world refuses to spin in the way i want it to spin. life on its own terms may not be exactly what i desire, BUT, it is certainly a helluva lot better for me than a year ago.
as a result of staying clean and getting rid of some of the toxicity in my life, especially the poison i kept inside, i am better fit to live clean, no matter what. i may still be on thin ice at work, but i am trying. i may not get to more than one meeting a week, but i am staying connected. i may not be physically fit, but i do work-out every day. i have learned to apply spiritual principles in my life and one of them is to wait for direction. it has been nice that my sponse has not got back to me on my SIXTH STEP, but it is time to reach out again and say “hey.” all of that is part of the no matter what, just for today life i am living these days, and i want that life to continue not to be a sh!t show. if i want more, i have to keep on doing what i was once told, including standing on my own feet and facing life on life's terms, no matter what that happens to turn out to be, today.

∞ DT ∞