Blog entry for:

ever have to use drugs again, one day at a time.
it is true, that i am not one of those who farts daises and poops rainbows, when i choose to share at a meeting. so when one of these sort of readings comes around, this is a not applicable case, or at least that is what i can tell myself, so i do not have to think about it. well, with that thought in mind, i sat down, quieted my mind and stumbled over an unpleasant fact. i may not fart daisies when i share in a meeting, but when i am sitting one-on-one with a newer member, i am just as much of a bumper sticker and cliché monger as some of those who make my skin crawl, the moment they open their mouths and say“ I am an addict and my name is…”
yes, i so and say one thing in public, then do something else, when i think no one is looking. where i need to be consistent, is to carry the same message, one that is sometimes on the darker side, across all the places i share. i know, that what someone who is new to the program is experiencing is no way anything like life on its own terms for me. the simple fact is, because i stayed clean, because i worked steps, because i allowed the POWER that fuels my recovery to change who i was, my life became much different than before. yes, that gift seems apparent, not only as my reality, but in the reality of many of the members that i have encountered across the course of my recovery. in fact it seems that for most of us, is seems that when we do the next right thing and amazing stuff happens. yes a bit of a daisy rainbow there, and i was going to append a but on to that statement,but$…
recovery has brought me an amazing life, materially, physically, intellectually but more importantly emotionally and spiritually. when i get in a private or even a semi-private conversation with someone new, my passion and my enthusiasm takes over and i lose focus on what they are struggling with today: the urge to use and the denial system they have built to protect that reality. it really has been a long time, since i was in their shoes. i forget that hearing how wonderful it is to have the personality change that is brought about by the steps, is speaking gibberish to someone, who is trying to figure out how not to use the next five minutes or IF it is even worth it. telling them that i have a car that is paid for, has insurance and is properly registered, is probably something they can strive to achieve and add to the hopes, if they can stay clean. pointing out in a public manner how i no longer need to be redundant when i say i am clean, by tacking on sober, is probably not the most welcoming thing a newer member on the edge wants to hear. speaking of addiction as all encompassing and suggesting that there is a path out, probably is a whole lot more encouraging and provides a bit more hope, even though the message is the same, the words and tone have a whole different feeling. it is up to me, to welcome the newer members to the world of recovery and provide them a safe home to learn to deal with life on life's terms and stay CLEAN. it is not my duty to wrap them in warm fuzzies and tell them the lies that i think sound hopeful, but i can take some of the brute force out of what i give them today and soften my message a bit. maybe instead of farting daisies i can go for violets instead. they are a bit darker and closer to the ground and not as fragrant. after all, sometimes it does need to be the vehicle that the message is carried in, that is important.

∞ DT ∞