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and confidence to live according to the values that ring true for me. i have to admit that i am WOKE AF and do not care what anyone else thinks about that. i have been gifted all that perks and privileges that come from being male and white in my society and i will not shamed nor bullied by anyone because of that fact of life. i know there are many folks who are white and when someone, such as myself admits to being helped along his path because of the color of his skin and the genitalia he was born with, the shouts of indignation are overwhelming. neither denying nor apologizing for what i am does little to correct the problem. i live according to the values of being tolerant to everyone regardless of an extensive list of how some differ from me. i am not better than they are, i was just lucky to be born this way. one of my core values is that no one should be held back by the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, their gender or where they happened to be born. i do my best to vote for those who uphold that standard and for laws that help those politicians make the changes to level the playing field. i resist those who want to take society backwards to a more repressive era, where if one was not white and male, one had no voice in how things were run. i am not afraid of becoming a minority and i resist being proselytized into any one religious faction or another. i desire the freedom i have to live me life, to be given to everyone, even if it costs me something.
i would apologize for drifting from recovery stuff, but to what end. i believe what i believe and being in recovery allows me the freedom to explore my belief system and see what needs to be discard and what needs to be retained, and live according to those values. when i was using, my values were all aligned to getting whatever i believed i needed in that moment, regardless of who or what was in my way. taking the time to consider the plight of others was not part of my playbook. realizing that as a fact when i got clean and started my recovery journey, i went to the opposite extreme of being a doormat for anyone who happened to be around. today, after a minute clean and a few rounds of the twelve steps, i no longer swing between those two extremes. today, while far from perfect, i live according to my values and when i am stepping across a line, most of the time, i know it and have the choice to continue down that path. it would be nice to say that i never cross any lines, but it would also be nice to say that a million dollars is going to drop out of the sky and land in my yard, neither are very likely to happen. i make mistakes, hurt those with whom i interact, create chaos and discord and often leave wreckage in my path. that is why i do a daily inventory and as i stay clean, that inventory becomes less and less heinous, as i choose to behave in a different manner, according to my values.
as i run out of stuff to pound out, i have arrived at a place of balance. as angry as i may be about what some in society want to return to and are using everything in their power, to retain their power, all i can do is be kinder, and more accepting of those who cross my path. the MAGAts may fret and fume over drones, but i fret and fume over innocent folks who are just trying to live a decent life, getting vilified and living in fear of what comes next. i myself, will take whatever action i have, to make their lives a little less fraught with angst, just for today.

∞ DT ∞