Blog entry for:

today, i will examine my actions, asking, **the will of my HIGHER POWER, or mine?** as i write this, i realize that i may have just made a decision that goes right to the heart of this question. i was trying to decide whether i should use the bus this morning or drive. generally, when i am taking the bus, i do not write this at home and yet writing this, does not preclude me from taking the bus, i know more than a bit silly, and for me, nothing earth-shattering at all, one way or another. honestly i will probably not decide which mode of transportation to take, until i hit the road and get rolling towards Boulder. and yet, this is the kind of thinking i can get trapped in, even when i am doing my best to listen for the voice of the POWER that fuels my recovery.
the reading, however, asks me to go a bit deeper, and examine how well my actions and behaviors align themselves to the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery. that exercise in and of itself, certainly feels herculean at times. after all, how am i supposed to remember at the end of my day, everything i did over the course of my day. since that seems impossible, if all i can remember is the end of the day, and usually i was at home for that last bit, there really is nothing to see here, and move along. before many days have gone by, i have convinced myself of all sorts of nonsense, like maybe i could hang out with using addicts, sell drugs, or use a newly legal substance just once to “take the edge off.”
what i have discovered, is that the more i do taker a daily inventory, the easier it becomes, to see and remember all that is did do, over the course of my day. with practice, i can even access the thought process, what i was feeling, and what i was reacting to, in that slice of time. even better, the more i practice the daily inventory, the better i become at being present for my behaviors, feelings and reactions, in real-time, and making the corrections necessary to keep it off the liability side of my daily inventory ledger. and the best part? i get to live in greater harmony with those i share my life with, as well as the world in general.
am i driving or busing? that is yet to be determined, but i do know i am showering and shaving before i get moving in any direction. it is a great day to practice the art of being present as i walk through this day clean.

∞ DT ∞