Blog entry for:

well there was once i believed that all is was, was the sum of all my character defects. without them i would be a shell of a person that would blow away with the wind. there also was a time i believed that each and every character defect i possess was NEEDED to survive. i have learned that i can be a whole, vibrant and independent person without acting on my character defects. each one that i thought i needed to survive was actually blocking me from thriving.
the example presented in this morning‘s reading of arrogance is one that i am quite familiar with. i learned to be arrogant to hide my insecurities and justify my neurotic behavior, reflecting back on the fact that i was unready to show the world who i really was.
well i really am an arrogant, selfish and self-centered person, BUT i do not want to remain that way. each defect was a corruption of survival traits that i thought were absolutely necessary to be a person in the world today. just because i am arrogant and selfish and self-centered does not mean that is what i want to be today. i can see that i can be much more than that, i no longer desire to be a caricature of a human being. today i want more, back to that selfish thing again, today I want to be able to walk through this world with my head held high and the knowledge that whatever i am today, i can be better, but i am okay just the way i happen to be at this moment. are there any defects of character i feel i need to continue to hold on to? no, not really. i am ready to walk towards being the person who GOD wants me to be. and today that is just another addict doing his best to stay clean and grow.
∞ DT ∞