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i be left with? as i prepare to enter STEP SIX with a new found freedom from the lie i created and told myself was TRUE, i wonder how much of my new identity will be revealed. i am not in the best state of mind this morning, as i feel a bit **picked on,** by life in all its glory. i read the results of my biopsy on Friday and of course i GOOGLED the crap out of it, but always stopped before i got to the treatment part. last night my sleep was disturbed by a dream of the conversation i am going to have with my urologist this afternoon, even though it was not him that i spoke with in my dream. what i am feeling is an overwhelming FEAR of what he will say are the next steps and with everything else going on in my life lately, it is beginning to feel as if it is all “too much.”
what i am going to do, right here and right now, is put all that aside, get dressed for a workout and pound out some of my frustration on my trot around the hood. my internal state could use a vacation, and i wonder if i need to step up my contact with members of the fellowship, to get my head back in the “right” place. i do know that for the next several hours, my dread and angst will likely build. i do know that i can cave in and live there or choose to let go and allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to give me a moment of calming peace. my choice is to let go and see what happens, at least for the next forty-five minutes as i pound the pavement.

∞ DT ∞