Blog entry for:

coming from love is a challenge because i know i am right! all joking aside, when i read this source material a year ago, i did not quite get anything from it and had to jump through an intellectual hoops or three to put something together. this morning, it just spoke to me on all sorts of levels and for the second day in a row, i dropped deep into the void and heard the roar of quiet. as i sat, i felt a sense of contentment, a bit of sadness, some remorse and a whole lot of serenity. i could unpack all those feelings and get down to the whys and wherefores, but too what end. just the facts m'am, is more than enough for me, at least right now.
returning to the topic at hand, or at least a bit closer, i can see that no matter how right i was when i dealt with my niece, i slipped out of any sort of unconditional love for her. to expect her to be anything more than she has always been and to use an opportunity to pause, reflect and move on with her life, especially the latter, was an expectation that turned into a resentment. even now, i dread having any sort of contact with her, because i have to to get through my garbage over what she is not. i know that she is in the terminal phase of her addiction and if she does not make any progress towards getting clean, no matter how she does it, she will not survive much longer. those that have enabled her for so long, have jumped ship and have come to see that they bare allowing her to remain sick. i certainly was part of that elite squad and i more than a bit of remorse for being part of that crew.
spring has certainly sprung today and part of the contentment i feel is that this morning, for the first time since last September, i will be able to enjoy a cigar as i work from my patio. quite honestly i have been twirling round and round about where to relocate my office this morning and finally decided that today would be the first day of doing it without going anywhere. it feels great to finally stop, pause and allow my heart to catch up with my head, as it was all abouyt where i would look better, rather than where i might work better. with that in mind, i will put this little ditty to bed and commence my seventy-five foot commute to my “summer office.” it is certainly a great day to look at the world through the lens of unconditional love and be a better person, because i choose to do so.

∞ DT ∞