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and the part they play in making me who i am.
the reading this morning, speaks as if considering my defects and becoming willing to have them removed is some sort of even t, considered once, than put away until the next time, i happen to stumble my way back to the SIXTH STEP. that may be the case for others, but for me, this is part of an ongoing growth process. just because i am formally working STEP EIGHT, does not mean that somehow the process of becoming entirely willing, or even considering the exact nature of my wrongs ceases to happen. what i have seen in my experience, is that when i live a program of active recovery, STEPS SIX and SEVEN, seem to be a part of my daily repertoire of events.
as arrogant and contrary as that may sound, it just happens to be what it is. i have learned that what is my experience, is not the experience of everyone else, and because of that, i take it for what it is worth, which for me, is quite a bit.
yes i know that arrogance, conceit, people-pleasing and pride all stem from the same root for me. they are symptoms of my lack of self-esteem and can be addressed form a totally different direction. and NO i am not talking about new-age affirmations in a mirror, telling myself how fit i am for the human experience. no building self-esteem, at least for me, comes from learning who i am, faults, defects and assets, and learning to accept that picture as reality. as i learn to accept all of me, i understand that i am no better or no worse than any other human walking the planet, as far as what i am worth. that view of equality, leads to humility, and as i gain more humility, my NEED to boost my self-esteem, by seeking the approval of others, through the myriad of behaviors i have created over the years, diminishes and approaches zero as i get more time under my belt, in the process of active recovery. i understand that it is very likely, that low self-esteem will be a part of who i am forever, but the recovery process makes it a smaller and smaller part all the time and the remnants DO NOT make me less worthy than anyone else.
each and every defect that i have ever possessed, follows a similar pattern, by NOT acting arrogant and prideful, i GET relief from my defects of character and those defects fade that much more, which as they become less evident, boosts my image of myself and how much i feel i am worth today. the feedback loop between shortcomings and defects of character goes both was, and a program of active recovery helps to minimize them in my life. of course, the only way i have the strength and guidance to continue on this path, is because i have come to believe that a POWER that fuels my recovery provides me all i need to continue on that process. that POWER fuels my journey to becoming the man and person i have always wanted to be and my task today to to reach out and let that POWER do ITs work as well. which means right here and right now, time to shower off and head to work, it is a good day to be a part of the real world, and clean!

∞ DT ∞