๐ my pattern of ๐
Posted: Wed, May 21, 2025 06:57:14 AM
seeking pleasure and avoiding reality, IS NOT an effective path to emotional health. ironically, yesterday i mused about seeking a new gig, and guess what, today, i start my search with gusto. i have been less than content with my work situation for the past few months and it showed in my attitude, my output and my desire to do anything but the task at hand. my employer has put up with my less than stellar work ethic and could have let me go yesterday, instead of on June 30th. what that tells me, is that now that i am moving on, and grateful to be doing so, i can return to my work habits of old, as there is light at the end of the tunnel. i have a safety net, i have the desire to keep working and most importantly, i am not stressed and spinning out in the anger and resentment of somehow being a victim to big corporate interests.
all of which goes to the point of my source material, attempting to foster one emotion over another, has always led down the road to perdition for me. it took quite a bit of effort and more than a few days clean and working more than a few steps, before i came to have the ability to detach value judgements to my emotions. i am far from perfect at doing so and yes i was pissed when i saw that little “present” left by the Amazon delivery person on our front porch this morning. i allowed myself to feel that burn, even though i have been taught that anger is a “bad” emotion and then cleaned off most of their gift to us, before it dried up and became crusty. wqhen it warmer, i will finish the job. it is what it is, and i could have very easily complained to Amazon, lying that we had video evidence of their delivery person puking on our porch. what exactly would that accomplish, the puke still needed to be cleaned up and i have to have a bit of empathy for someone who doing delivery, while sick enough to throw up.
today, when i could be spinning down the tubes, i am at peace. i have an exit strategy that does not require me to scramble, just pick up the pace of what i had already put in motion. i have no animosity of my employers and wish the team i never felt a part of, all the best. i am grateful that i have a soft landing and can still pursue my passion of becoming more physically fit. who knows what my next gig may be, and perhaps it will be something i find a bit more rewarding than cable TV.
all of which goes to the point of my source material, attempting to foster one emotion over another, has always led down the road to perdition for me. it took quite a bit of effort and more than a few days clean and working more than a few steps, before i came to have the ability to detach value judgements to my emotions. i am far from perfect at doing so and yes i was pissed when i saw that little “present” left by the Amazon delivery person on our front porch this morning. i allowed myself to feel that burn, even though i have been taught that anger is a “bad” emotion and then cleaned off most of their gift to us, before it dried up and became crusty. wqhen it warmer, i will finish the job. it is what it is, and i could have very easily complained to Amazon, lying that we had video evidence of their delivery person puking on our porch. what exactly would that accomplish, the puke still needed to be cleaned up and i have to have a bit of empathy for someone who doing delivery, while sick enough to throw up.
today, when i could be spinning down the tubes, i am at peace. i have an exit strategy that does not require me to scramble, just pick up the pace of what i had already put in motion. i have no animosity of my employers and wish the team i never felt a part of, all the best. i am grateful that i have a soft landing and can still pursue my passion of becoming more physically fit. who knows what my next gig may be, and perhaps it will be something i find a bit more rewarding than cable TV.
∞ DT ∞