ยข as i recognize my own defects more clearly, ยข
Posted: Thu, Sep 26, 2013 09:22:02 AM
what i uncover will guide my actions toward recovery and help me to become an emotionally healthy and happy individual. so i finally found a sweet spot for my morning commute, 6:50 AM, almost exactly 30 minutes from garage to garage, which is so totally acceptable to me, that i will now have to drive my morning tasks to reach that spot, however the downside is that i am now at work at 7:30 instead of 8:00, which is not all that bad, as it always seems to be my best time to work.
learning to turn the judge on myself, is really something that may not be that good for me. yes, i get the idea that using what i recognize in others as a lens to see what i do not really accept within myself, is certainly and interesting exercise, even a fruitful one. the problem for me however is that tool so easily becomes a weapon to pound myself into dust. yes, yet another defect of character waiting in the wings, to block my progress towards becoming the person i always wanted to be.so balance, as always is the key to my serenity. yes acceptance is important, do not get me wrong, however, and yes i understand that i am negating a statement here, it is balance that drives most of what i want to become. as an addict, i know i tend towards extremes, and i am not an outlier in this tendency, as i see my peers doing the same. what i i get from observing them and seeing how well they lead their lives, and yes that too is a judgement, is the ability to take what works for them and integrate into me. for me, looking at what i like, rather than being critical of what i do not, is certainly a healthier perspective, especially when i understand that cynicism is part and parcel of who i am. accepting that i am cynical, and allowing myself the freedom to integrate that part into the whole, makes my well… better balanced as a person. certainly a bit different take on what the reading actually said.
where am i spiritually this morning? concerned about a friend, and doing my damnedest to let him know i could be a sounding board. grateful that i have the skeleton of the project that has kicked my butt over the past two weeks done and ready to put some flesh on it. hopeful that my job will still be around in two weeks. and confident that the POWER that fuels my recovery, has some sort of plan, that is in my best interests after all. life in recovery is good today, and as i get ready to get moving on the next phase of my project i do believe that i will have the foresight to say that something similar in the future is worth a few more story points. yes, i will learn that i always underestimate my effort, and do better to add that balance to my life, as well.
learning to turn the judge on myself, is really something that may not be that good for me. yes, i get the idea that using what i recognize in others as a lens to see what i do not really accept within myself, is certainly and interesting exercise, even a fruitful one. the problem for me however is that tool so easily becomes a weapon to pound myself into dust. yes, yet another defect of character waiting in the wings, to block my progress towards becoming the person i always wanted to be.so balance, as always is the key to my serenity. yes acceptance is important, do not get me wrong, however, and yes i understand that i am negating a statement here, it is balance that drives most of what i want to become. as an addict, i know i tend towards extremes, and i am not an outlier in this tendency, as i see my peers doing the same. what i i get from observing them and seeing how well they lead their lives, and yes that too is a judgement, is the ability to take what works for them and integrate into me. for me, looking at what i like, rather than being critical of what i do not, is certainly a healthier perspective, especially when i understand that cynicism is part and parcel of who i am. accepting that i am cynical, and allowing myself the freedom to integrate that part into the whole, makes my well… better balanced as a person. certainly a bit different take on what the reading actually said.
where am i spiritually this morning? concerned about a friend, and doing my damnedest to let him know i could be a sounding board. grateful that i have the skeleton of the project that has kicked my butt over the past two weeks done and ready to put some flesh on it. hopeful that my job will still be around in two weeks. and confident that the POWER that fuels my recovery, has some sort of plan, that is in my best interests after all. life in recovery is good today, and as i get ready to get moving on the next phase of my project i do believe that i will have the foresight to say that something similar in the future is worth a few more story points. yes, i will learn that i always underestimate my effort, and do better to add that balance to my life, as well.
∞ DT ∞