โ praying only for knowledge of His will for me โ
Posted: Wed, Oct 16, 2013 07:55:30 AM
and the power to carry that out.
ah another opportunity to chastise the unwashed masses about praying for specific outcomes and material benefits. or at least that would be the case if i was as spiritually unfit as i felt after the meeting last night. after all, is does say “…praying ONLY for…”
i do believe that the next time i am forced to sit and here an ancient member drivel on and on about stuff that sounds like it is coming from a newcomer, i will excuse myself from the situation and walk away. the irony here, is that this member has a whole lot to offer until they open up their mouth in a meeting, and then, well let the games begin. it is true i was praying that they would not share, and once they started i prayed that they would impart some of their experience, strength and hope, briefly. if what came out was ESH, than i am in the way wrong fellowship, because that is not the message i hear from most of those who have walked this path before me, even those who i cannot personally stand to interact with, on a personal level. so yes, there you have it, where was the POWER that fuels my recovery will for me last night?
this is where it becomes tricky for me, when i tune out i am denying that POWER the means to tell me what i need to hear. simply put, i am tuning out the voice of GOD! in my belief structure i am quite certain that the POWER that fuels my recovery speaks to me with the voices of people with whom i interact with, whether i see them daily or only bump into them once in my life. so by denying that VOICE the chance to say something i may NEED to hear, i am in effect saying: “all of that is quite nice, GOD, but in this instance i think you have made a mistake, there is nothing in what that addict is sharing that is the slightest bit germane to me.”
where does that leave me this morning? well for one, what i heard may have been idiotic and perhaps even a bit dangerous, but was mostly harmless, as the vessel of that message seems to discount the weight of that were trying to say, even to others. so what i have to look at, is why it bothers me so much? it is my reaction to that drivel and not the drivel itself, that is what is germane in my life. and right here and right now, i do not have time to go into why that share bothers me so much, as i GET to get rolling and go to work. i have plenty enough on my mind as it is:
ah another opportunity to chastise the unwashed masses about praying for specific outcomes and material benefits. or at least that would be the case if i was as spiritually unfit as i felt after the meeting last night. after all, is does say “…praying ONLY for…”
i do believe that the next time i am forced to sit and here an ancient member drivel on and on about stuff that sounds like it is coming from a newcomer, i will excuse myself from the situation and walk away. the irony here, is that this member has a whole lot to offer until they open up their mouth in a meeting, and then, well let the games begin. it is true i was praying that they would not share, and once they started i prayed that they would impart some of their experience, strength and hope, briefly. if what came out was ESH, than i am in the way wrong fellowship, because that is not the message i hear from most of those who have walked this path before me, even those who i cannot personally stand to interact with, on a personal level. so yes, there you have it, where was the POWER that fuels my recovery will for me last night?
this is where it becomes tricky for me, when i tune out i am denying that POWER the means to tell me what i need to hear. simply put, i am tuning out the voice of GOD! in my belief structure i am quite certain that the POWER that fuels my recovery speaks to me with the voices of people with whom i interact with, whether i see them daily or only bump into them once in my life. so by denying that VOICE the chance to say something i may NEED to hear, i am in effect saying: “all of that is quite nice, GOD, but in this instance i think you have made a mistake, there is nothing in what that addict is sharing that is the slightest bit germane to me.”
where does that leave me this morning? well for one, what i heard may have been idiotic and perhaps even a bit dangerous, but was mostly harmless, as the vessel of that message seems to discount the weight of that were trying to say, even to others. so what i have to look at, is why it bothers me so much? it is my reaction to that drivel and not the drivel itself, that is what is germane in my life. and right here and right now, i do not have time to go into why that share bothers me so much, as i GET to get rolling and go to work. i have plenty enough on my mind as it is:
TRACY D
9 MONTHS clean,
Awesome job my friend
Keep coming Back!
∞ DT ∞