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i lack and choosing to follow that input, is certainly one way of looking at the consequence of my attempt to live my favorite step, STEP 11. as i practiced that step this morning, listening for whatever i NEEDED to **hear** to start my day, i was struck by the irony of how i accept the most difficult part of this step and minimize what could be seen as the easiest part, the prayer bit. i readily admit that i am no spiritual giant or recovery guru, even though most of the time, i try and come off as one. i also admit that as i lived STEPS TWO and THREE, there was a whole lot of over-complication and mind-f*ckery going on, over the issue of praying. the whole time i was stuck like the Danish prince in the soliloquy “to pray or not to pray, that is the question…”
what i “know” today, is that the little bit of the prayer i do on a daily basis, seems to be more than enough for this addict. here is where i would usually insert a brief summary of the evolution of my spiritual path and direct a reader to do their research by reading what i have previously written. i realized the other day, that when one is comfortable in what they are speaking about, one does not need to shout it from the rooftops, over and over and over again. when i lack self-esteem, i share about how much self-esteem i have. when i lack direction, i share about how sure i am about where i am going. the list can go on and on, but my point is, and there is one here, what i lack spiritually, emotionally of physically, is what i want others to believe i have in over-abundance.
once again, i am going down a path that may qualify me, for the Captain Obvious award, at least in my mind. this morning as i get ready to wrap this up, there a couple of things i am pretty certain of. the first being that it is more than likely the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, that i stay clean today. the second is that if i pause and ask for a bit of guidance, i will be able to do the next right thing, whether or not anyone sees me doing so or ever finds out that i have done that deed. i have found a direction today and just for today, i am comfortable in following that direction. tomorrow? well one will certainly see what that day happens to bring.

∞ DT ∞