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plays such a central part in 12 STEP recovery, i am in the process of reconciling prayer with my spiritual path. yesterday i went way off track with big medicine and its incestuous relationship with the treatment and pharmaceutical industries. little did i realize that today it would be the BIG RELIGION industry that popped to the top of the stack.
ion my spiritual path, prayer is not something that is done, as there is nothing to “pray to,” nor is there anything to “grant”l prayers as i become more comfortable in that path, i can make a bit of an accommodation to the fact that within there certainly can be a POWER that fuels my recovery and that POWER does present me the opportunity to get everything i need, just for today. so asking for the power to stay clean and the opportunities to do the next right things, is not that much of a stretch. in fact, it is where i have landed after a few months of angst, looking at where i am powerless, in my spiritual path. that exploration has led me to see the fallacies in my life and the futility of “praying” for stuff and outcomes. where i end up when that realization sinks in, is a bit resentful and certainly a bit disheartened about me, trying to fit this very square peg into the round hole of the religious nature that many of my peers in recovery seem to embrace. that being said, i am quite certain they are sincere in their beliefs and that i need to let go of attempting to fit in and embrace who i have become.
BIG RELIGION on the other hand, seems to want to have a grip on all its adherents lives and seem to have the message that their way is the ONLY wast to get rewarded. even some spiritual paths, while not saying that they pray, still chant for things and outcomes, which smacks very closely to prayer in my eyes. so my problem seems to be, letting go of what others want me to do, at least in the spiritual realm and allowing them to follow whatever path they choose to follow. i guess the polemic i was going to write about BIG RELIGION, failed to materialize as i went through this exercise. yes it may be true that praying or chanting for a new car, a big raise or winning the lottery, seem like nasty bad things to me. praying for tolerance, world peace or the end to poverty, while not bad in and of themselves, seems to be a bit of spiritual camouflage and more than a bit unnerving to me. what it comes down to is this: regardless of what others may or may not do, i am given the FREEDOM, at least for now, to exercise my spiritual path, in the manner that suits what i have uncovered for myself. telling others what they should or should not do, is no different than what i find repulsive in BIG RELIGION and makes me one of them. to be free from the chains of active addiction, i am willing to let go of my biases and prejudices about the spiritual nature of the spiritual path my peers may choose and allow them the same freedom they allow me, to seek what fits and keeps me clean, just for today.

∞ DT ∞