Blog entry for:

one of my favorite vintages, here let me cut a bit of cheese to make the picture complete. :)
in all seriousness though, and man i canno0t even type that phrase without cracking myself up. where i was going was a tirade about the bon mots, bumper stickers and “life is awesome because, i am getting laid” shares i heard last night. i did, after a moment of thinking, decide that today, i would go another direction and look to myself and see if what i think i am sharing lately is appropriate for recovery meetings.
the last two times i shared, i said that i was was a mess, because of the lack of light during the day and that one of my old standbys, because legally acceptable to buy and use in the next two weeks, and will be available to anyone just by plunking down some cash and showing that i am over 21. is that really material for a recovery meeting? after all, people may look up to me, because i have some clean time, so what kind of example am i setting, when i share about things not being quite right, in my head? after all, for the most part, my life in recovery is like, awesome and like makes me feel like grateful. how can o share my struggles, when what the newer folks want hear is experience, strength and hope, and all i share about is the mess that i am today?
BTW, a trip to the acupuncturist has lifted the effects of SAD on me, and i am not quite so dark today, although this writing may not seem to support that assertion. moving forward, when i was a newcomer and when i heard someone going on and on about how like awesome recovery and their lives were and that if YOU wanted what they had all YOU had to do was… well, i figured that they were so full of male cow feces, that i could safely discount just about everything that came out of their mouths after “i am a…”
although that was quite a few days ago, i really do not believe that my newer peers really want to hear how fVcking perfect everything is. no i think they want to hear about HOW i stay clean day after day, no matter what is going on in my life, my head, or the world in general, good, bad or indifferent. i believe that want answers, not clichés and bumper stickers, and in real life shared openly and honestly they find the HOPE they need to stay clean another day. i may be wrong in this, as my belief structure has been flawed in the past, and as this day goes on, i will listen for the answers i am seeking, namely do i became a clichée-ridden bumper sticker machine, or do i stay honest and share what is really on my mind, the next time i choose to open my mouth at a meeting?

∞ DT ∞