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a wonderful reading this morning as i have been finding meetings a bit tedious these days. i mean really, i know how to use and did so successfully and unsuccessfully for twenty-five years. in fact i even know how to get and stay clean -- just do not use anything just for today! what i really want to know is how other members, just do not use anything just for today.
seriously, life is far too short for me to be whining about what is wrong in my life -- at least in a meeting. i have closed-mouth friends, and my sponsor to take care of that necessity. but, probably just like every other addict that has found this fellowship, i am self-centered and want the world to revolve around me and my problems. i want you to give me the solution, i want you to do the work, and i want you to make all my decisions for me. then i can reap the benefits of your hard work or blame you when things do not work out to my liking. cool, huh??
i remain blameless and have extra time to exercise whatever the current manifestation of my disease happens to be. this way takes all the pressure off of me and the part of me that i call my disease gets to go on its merry way.
so exactly what did the reading say to me. well in conjunction with yesterday's reading about motives and service work, when i am about to open my mouth i need to take a quick mini-inventory and ask myself a few questions.

• am i carrying the mess or the message?
• am i telling another addict what they should or should not do?
• am i sharing at someone instead of talking to them privately?
• am i just whining or does what i am about to share speak to how i am doing this whole recovery gig today?
• and most importantly am i exercising self-will or am i letting GOD speak through me?

looks like a lot of mental gymnastics just to share and i have yet to master the art of doing performing this exercise before i share. i am, however, getting better and part of that is that i have the means at hand to share just my experience, strength and hope and not my disease. the only thing i have to do is choose to do so. and perhaps someday this will happen auto-magically, but in the meantime i just have to do the best i can do, just for today!
∞ DT ∞