¢ it is surprising how much more i can get out of meetings ¢
Posted: Sun, Feb 23, 2014 10:23:53 AM
when i allow myself to focus on recovery principles rather than personalities. sometimes however, it is the message, and not the messenger that is the issue. more on that later, for now, let me start with the message part.
for me, listening for the measles applies to more than just meetings. when something someone does, ticks me off and i start obsessing about ALL the harm they just did, i need to look at myself, when i finally get past being victimized. case in point, an event several days ago, had my panties in a bun, until i finally let it go and looked for what my lesson needed to be. the fact is, i like this person, so the messenger part was not really applicable, at least on first glance. what i learned and what i have added to my daily inventory and spot checks throughout me day, is that i NEED to express my gratitude for the services rendered to me, as i walk through my day. even a quick, and sincere thank you to the barista that is preparing my coffee beverage, NEEDS to be part of my routine. i can justify and rationalize away the need for that sort of behavior, wrapping it up, in an “after all, that is what they are paid to do!”
paid or not, that does not diminish the fact that they are human beings and more than likely, just as i want to be acknowledged for what i do, they would appreciate it as well.
another of my peers, who i actually like, has recently seems to be in the habit of sharing fluff, instead of anything real. they prattle on and on and get tones of laughs, and while entertaining, i just do not get what it is they are trying to share, except that maybe they like the sound of their own voice. here is where i NEED to try top be tolerant and remember that i too, like to share in an entertaining manner and more often than not, i choose to fluff rout and disregard what my current experience, strength and hope, lacking or not lacking, happens to be. when that happens, i need to look at what is going on inside of me. is my spiritual landscape so bleak, that i do not want to tarnish my image of recovery in the eyes of my peers? after all, for me, no matter how long i stay clean, an overarching concern: “is how good do i look in the eyes of my peers?”
of course, then there are people i do not like or respect, and this goes to the heart of the reading today. being who i am, those that fall into this category are already in trouble, when they inhale to start their share. i have already decided that what they are about to share will be trite and useless, and it is time to send a text to one of my bros to diss them. that set-up being complete, they can do nothing correctly and hence are not worth my time to even try to listen. honestly, allowing myself to fall victim to my bias and prejudice, is something i am not proud about and it is a part of my daily inventory; “did i dismiss someone's message. merely because of who they are?”
the nice part of asking that question, even after the fact is i GET to try to listen harder the next time. i can tell you now that everything after the words “YOU SHOULD” or “WE NEED&#$8221; is thrown in the bit bucket by me, it is no different than the word “BUT” negating the statement that immediately precedes it. so as i trick myself into listening, by playing silly games counting the filler, i hear more and more of an authority figure, rather than a peer, and even after some time clean, i still do not do very well with authority figures, so the message, reinforces the messenger and i tune it out or walk out. sad to say, there is probably worthwhile in between all that stuff, that the POWER that fuels my recovery, wants me to hear.
so it goes. today i can be okay knowing that the only thing i am an authority on is what i did to stay clean, how it affected me and what i want to accomplish as this day goes on, the rest, well i leave that to the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery.
for me, listening for the measles applies to more than just meetings. when something someone does, ticks me off and i start obsessing about ALL the harm they just did, i need to look at myself, when i finally get past being victimized. case in point, an event several days ago, had my panties in a bun, until i finally let it go and looked for what my lesson needed to be. the fact is, i like this person, so the messenger part was not really applicable, at least on first glance. what i learned and what i have added to my daily inventory and spot checks throughout me day, is that i NEED to express my gratitude for the services rendered to me, as i walk through my day. even a quick, and sincere thank you to the barista that is preparing my coffee beverage, NEEDS to be part of my routine. i can justify and rationalize away the need for that sort of behavior, wrapping it up, in an “after all, that is what they are paid to do!”
paid or not, that does not diminish the fact that they are human beings and more than likely, just as i want to be acknowledged for what i do, they would appreciate it as well.
another of my peers, who i actually like, has recently seems to be in the habit of sharing fluff, instead of anything real. they prattle on and on and get tones of laughs, and while entertaining, i just do not get what it is they are trying to share, except that maybe they like the sound of their own voice. here is where i NEED to try top be tolerant and remember that i too, like to share in an entertaining manner and more often than not, i choose to fluff rout and disregard what my current experience, strength and hope, lacking or not lacking, happens to be. when that happens, i need to look at what is going on inside of me. is my spiritual landscape so bleak, that i do not want to tarnish my image of recovery in the eyes of my peers? after all, for me, no matter how long i stay clean, an overarching concern: “is how good do i look in the eyes of my peers?”
of course, then there are people i do not like or respect, and this goes to the heart of the reading today. being who i am, those that fall into this category are already in trouble, when they inhale to start their share. i have already decided that what they are about to share will be trite and useless, and it is time to send a text to one of my bros to diss them. that set-up being complete, they can do nothing correctly and hence are not worth my time to even try to listen. honestly, allowing myself to fall victim to my bias and prejudice, is something i am not proud about and it is a part of my daily inventory; “did i dismiss someone's message. merely because of who they are?”
the nice part of asking that question, even after the fact is i GET to try to listen harder the next time. i can tell you now that everything after the words “YOU SHOULD” or “WE NEED&#$8221; is thrown in the bit bucket by me, it is no different than the word “BUT” negating the statement that immediately precedes it. so as i trick myself into listening, by playing silly games counting the filler, i hear more and more of an authority figure, rather than a peer, and even after some time clean, i still do not do very well with authority figures, so the message, reinforces the messenger and i tune it out or walk out. sad to say, there is probably worthwhile in between all that stuff, that the POWER that fuels my recovery, wants me to hear.
so it goes. today i can be okay knowing that the only thing i am an authority on is what i did to stay clean, how it affected me and what i want to accomplish as this day goes on, the rest, well i leave that to the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery.
∞ DT ∞