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what in the world are they talking about?
the strain of my refrain, once upon a time, way back when i came to recovery. so i certainly need to giggle, when i hear it from those who are my peers today, as i have been there done that, and got the T-shirt. as silly as it sounds, i am not a huge fan of the disease concept either, but accept it as the best description for what addiction is and is not. i am more into using the term “condition” as i certainly do not feel sick and based on the standard definition of disease, especially chronic ones, i would certainly be pronounced cure, as i have not exhibited the symptom of uncontrollable drug use for over 16 years.
for me, disease is way to limiting, and in my present understanding of life is an addict, is not a crutch i need to lean upon on any more. i see addiction more like race or gender, just something i was born with, beyond my control, the result of the semi-random gene load i received as a fertilized egg. as such, that means that like race and gender, i NEED to live my life accepting that facts, and make the best of what i have been given. i pity the poor alcoholics and myriad of other members of 12 step fellowships, because they too suffer from the same condition and keep treating as a separate part of themselves, instead of owning what they are. what i used is irrelevant, how i used it is just about as moot as well. today i am an addict, through and through, and nothing save, a time machine is going to fix that.
that statement, in and of itself, is where the HOPE lies. when i live in that statement and stop being a victim to that statement, the path before me is clear, I GET TO BE MORE THAN JUST AN ADDICT. i am puzzled as to why i avoided coming to that place for so long and in fact did everything i could to prevent myself from accepting this as fact. i am not now, nor ever was a drug addict, food addict, sex addict, relationship junkie, alcoholic, shopaholic or co-dependent, even though i have exhibited behaviors that could and often are misinterpreted as evidence for those conditions as well. they are all symptoms of the condition of addiction, and hence can all be treated and alleviated through the 12 STEPS of the fellowship that has provided me a life way beyond what i thought was possible. when i remove all those other labels and lay my “disease” out for what it is, i am blessed to find a way to remain in remission and yes even treat those other aspects, in a single place. when i remove those other labels and call myself what i really am, i remove the barrier of uniqueness that i place upon myself and allow the goodwill and common experience of my peers to penetrate my closed mind. and it all comes down to that statement of fact in the FIRST STEP, that i am powerless of addiction.
anyhow, as i like the life i have, the time has come to jump into the shower, and head on over to work. it is a great day to be clean and yes own the fact that it is addiction and not the myriad of manifestations of its symptoms that keeps me walking the path of recovery.

∞ DT ∞