Some memes

happy in my own skin if i am willing to allow myself to experience my freedom. in early recovery, for me anyhow, that freedom was that i no longer obsessed about what felt like every waking second of my day. the ironic part about it, i did not even notice that was gone until several days, weeks or perhaps even months after it happened. well may not months, i do tend to get off in hyperbole every now and again. the fact remains, i missed that first taste of freedom, even though i was already enjoying it. if that was all i got, well way back when i would have been more than satisfied with that as my end result.
i stuck around, however and as a result of following direction, i got a whole lot more: freedom from having to be what i am not, freedom from the fear of intimacy, freedom from carrying the burden of sins that are not mine and freedom from the remorse of the years misspent in active addiction. that last one has been a long time coming however, and i am just starting to feel that as part of my daily life. the biggest freedom i have achieved is freedom from the lie that i am too broken to be seen as myself in polite company and that i need to seek approval through the eyes of others.
just for today, i will embrace the freedoms i have found and been given in recovery, even if i cannot name or enumerate them all. i can, however, also enjoy the company of one my friends and peers as we sit and smoke a cigar or two this afternoon, as that is where i am headed to right now. it is a great day to be freed form the chains of active addiction and all that they bring.

∞ DT ∞