Blog entry for:

the guidance and the love i need to live a fulfilling, spiritually oriented life.
as i sat at the meeting last night, i realized that the ONE addict who was trying to impress me with their share, was the one addict i had totally tuned out. it was unfortunate that what they said, even if it was pithy, to the point, original and about their recovery journey, did not register in my head. not for them, they lost nothing, and from what little tidbits that did stick, i am sure what they contributed in their three minute dip into their spiritual journey, did something for someone else in the room. amazingly, it was not even their fault, i had tuned out by the litany of the “for the newcomer” shares that had preceded it. for me, the reading was about how i WELCOME the newcomer, not about the random newcomer who was sitting there last night.
what does what happened last night, really have to do with this morning? that is truly a great question. part of my spiritual journey has to become aware that my peers, those i need in my life to provide me the clues i need to survive, are in the rooms of my fellowship. even those who seem as if they are a broken record or a never-ending looped tape, have something to offer me, when i can get out of my own way. i have played all sorts of tricks and performed all kinds of mental gymnastics, to MAKE myself hear what they are trying to say. what the result has been, is that i fall back to being lazy, and i tune out, which i am beginning to see, may be part of the solution for me. the awakening i am starting to have that repetitive and fluff shares are just for me as well. when i stop thinking about what is being said, and more importantly who to present a counter argument to is, i may actually allow myself to HEAR what i need to hear. tuning out and shutting off the critic, is the direction i started to go last night and perhaps it will be a direction i can continue to explore, as i formally work STEP TEN.
that however, will be determined as i walk forward in my recovery. what i DID hear this morning, is that i CAN share what i have got and do so willingly. i can be a part of the solution, such as it is today, and allow myself the freedom to live in the real world, as cynically as i need to be, and still have an awakening of a spiritual nature. for some reason many around me think that daises and rainbows are a sign of a spiritual awakening and maybe they are correct. for me, a bit of rain and a few storm clouds on the horizon are NOT indications that i have missed the point, in fact, they may just be the point and my rose-colored glasses view of the recovery process, actually hinders me, instead of furthering my growth. which certainly does lead me in a different direction of thought for this day, which i need to get rolling off towards, just for today.

∞ DT ∞