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well some days i think it is an 2007 Mercedes Benz roadster. other days it is that sweet young thing who happens to look at me more than twice and actually smiles. when either of those two cases happen or something similar, i know that i not really had a spiritual awakening, but rather, yet another manifestation of the part of me i call my disease and that realization often puts me back on the right track! well sometimes anyhow.
it really is hard for me to describe in detail the true shape of my spiritual awakening, because i have had so many over the course of my recovery. it is easier for me to describe what that shape is not. it has not been a sudden flash of inspiration, nor has it been a "burning bush" or lightning strike. it has not manifested in my return to organized religion or some mystical group.
no, my spiritual awakening has been a slow series of events that usually miss as they happen. All of a sudden one day, someone asks me a question and the answer that falls out of my mouth reveals that i have had another awakening. as i wander back through the mysterious channels of my memory i realize that wakening had occurred in my recent past and sometimes as much as six months ago. so truthfully i mostly oblivious to most of my spiritual growth as it occurs.
so what does the body of spiritual awakening look like today? well, i accept that there is more going on that i can quantify or qualify. i can sometimes be connected to the process through channels that i am at a loss to explain or describe. and when i am connected i get quickly overwhelmed by the amount of information and inspiration i receive and get afraid that i will be swept away into the infinite ocean of this process. so i joke about it and keep my experiences to myself, because i am sure no one else will ever understand and i will labeled some sort of mystical freak.
so there you have a glimpse into part of me i seldom share, and you know what i do not care what you think today. about this anyhow, i am not healthy enough to give up the rest, yet!

∞ DT ∞