Blog entry for:

of my latest spiritual awakening, is foreign and quite disturbing to me. learning how to be emancipate and forgiving of someone that i had a huge resentment towards, while they blithely continue to prevaricate, edit the recent past and live in a self-centered world of denial, is difficult to say the least. i know that this is part of my spiritual journey and i accept the pain i am feeling as i watch my Dad fade to black, is part of the cycle of life. i know i will have to continue to make sacrifices over the coming days, especially once my sister moves in to become his primary care-giver and in reality i have no problem with that. in fact i am relieved as my responsibilities will diminish ever so slightly. my concerns these days center on how much will i be willing to do for that household once my Dad transitions to his next destination? the nice part of all of that is right here and right now, i need not worry about that bucket of very shitty worms.
i am way off my spiritual track lately, as my meeting attendance has dropped to nil, over the past week. i did call my sponsor. i did share some of why i am feeling the way i am feeling with my spouse. i have been on my thirty day praying for the object of my resentment to get all they they need to be happy, safe, healthy and sane. i have exercised every day, even if this is a “light” week that is about to end. my TENTH and ELEVENTH STEPS have been crucial and not been neglected. all in all, most of the legs that support my program are intact and keeping my pointed in the correct direction. as i go through the next few days, i will need to have a bit more contact with my support network and allow myself the time to get to a meeting. in these stressful times, i need to remember what and who i am and act accordingly. why someone does what they do, is not my bidness. how i react to what they do, is! i have the notion this morning, that i need to abandon all HOPE when i pass through the gates of judgement and CHOOSE whether or not, that is a journey i really want to make. all in all, the shape of this awakening will be revealed as the days roll by and thin gs get worse for my Dad. all i want, is for him to be comfortable and be at peace, as he has had a full and productive life. we will see how things play out.

∞ DT ∞