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and apologizing would not be sufficient. i know for a fact, that this is true for me, after all, it was how i lived back in the day. what i heard this morning was not about amends, it was more about SEVENTH STEP stuff, surrendering my shortcomings, by humbly asking.
for me, living the SEVENTH STEP, is key to NOT having to make any amends, direct or indirect. in a perfect world, perfectly applying STEP SEVEN in my life, i would never cause any sort of harm, and would be well on my way to beatification and sainthood. i am far from perfect, and fall extremely short of that standard, and THAT IS OKAY by me today. falling short does not keep me from trying, it just is what it is, if i do not aim for the starts, how will i ever know whether or not i can fly?
what does living STEP SEVEN have to do with any of this harm ⇒ amend cycle? in my opinion, the GIFT i receive from STEP SEVEN, is the ability to stop my reactions to my feelings, those automagic responses, that happen every time someone does something to me or someone i care, or gets something i have always wanted or whose life falls apart after living “on high” for so long. i am powerless over my feelings as well as my defects of character, what i am learning through application of my SEVENTH STEP, is that i am not powerless on how i behave after feeling a feeling. it really is that simple, i take control after the powerlessness ends, and i can be a better person. i cause less harm, i create a smaller wake and most of all, i continue my journey into becoming the man i have always wanted to be. i am not certain about this day will bring, as i made a major gaffe at work last night before leaving, but it was not as bad as it could have been, the world did not end and it did not cause a rip in the space-time continuum, so on the scale of stuff, not a big thang, but certainly one that needs correction. yes, a failure, error, gaffe., or whatever you want to call it, i call it a mistake, and one that i will correct this morning when i get into work. speaking of which, it just about that time as well.
yes i can apologize today, that is part of living in a human body, yes i can pay for the damage i made, either monetarily or spiritually, but most important of all, is allowing myself the freedom to change how i react to my feelings, after all i have asked the POWER that fuels my recovery to give me that ability, it is up to me to choose to exercise that right.

∞ DT ∞