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and altering my behavior. for me, this has always been a very confusing reading. i have been taught and i teach those who choose to allow me to guide them through their recovery process, that “mending my ways” is part of ANY amends, direct or indirect. indeed the reading is even more confusing as i see direct amends as face to face DIRECTLY with the person i have harmed, and indirect amends as amends to those i CANNOT for whatever reason make the amends directly to. so with that very important caveat in place, i can move on.
altering the attitudes, that lead to the behaviors that make me feel justified or entitled to cause damage is at the heart of the amends process for me. it certainly is not enough for me to forgive myself for the damage i caused simply by issuing a blanket apology and falling back on that very old, tired and threadbare excuse that addiction made me do it. for me, that is the least of what it takes to make an amend, and maybe i am way out in left field here, but i see amends, proper ones anyhow,. as consisting of more than one part.
FIRST: i have to take responsibility for the damage i have caused, none of this the devil made me do it bullsh!t. i clearly state the damage as i see it, stating it in such a way as not to cause more damage.
SECONDLY: i offer to repair that damage and if that damage is intangible or uncountable, offer up a token to show my sincerity.
THIRDLY: explain the sort of action i am taking to “mend my ways,” to prevent or minimize the damage in the future.
FINALLY: ask for forgiveness and allow them to respond.
none of that i see as indirect as my future behavior will end up directly affecting the person or institution that i am making amends to.
as a result of a proper amends, i grow and the chances that i lapse into the same attitudes and behaviors in the future are diminished, at least for me, as in hate more than anything else in the world to own up to doing something wrong more than once. life beyond amends is certainly less chaotic, when i live what i say. i could comment here on the behaviors of my peers, and just letting that cat out of the bag is enough to get me past doing so. i was stuck for something to write, so a quick dig at this or that person, seemed like the natural thing to do, after all, contrast and compare is certainly a valid semantic construct. what i will do, however, is say that just for today, i am grateful that i have the desire to be a better person and the amends process, direct OR indirect; yes in my mind regardless of what the reading says, they are mutually exclusive; fosters that process.

∞ DT ∞