Blog entry for:

not to act out on my anger or any other emotion. i have to admit that this morning i chose the lesser of two evils as my source material. as much as i dislike writing about the NINTH STEP, i dislike writing about traditions even more. for me, the definition of direct and indirect amends provided by my source material makes little sense, as when i am make an amends, not only do i ask for forgiveness, right the damage i did, i also, automatically start to work on the behaviors and attitudes i posses that sent me down the path of acting out. to me, that is a complete direct amends. an indirect amends, on the other hand, are those i make when i cannot make a direct amends for whatever reason. one of those reasons is NOT emotional or financial harm to myself. all that being said, i think i will move on to what came up as i was contemplating direct and indirect amends this morning.
when i came up from the void, as brief as it was this morning as my rib was whining about my position, what i felt was a sense of gratitude that i no longer had to duck and cover, every time i went out on the street. one of the “gifts” of working a program of active recovery is that i have made all sorts of amends and i do my best to prevent having the need to make amends, by being through with a daily TENTH STEP. that is not bragging, it is just an expression of how i work a program, which includes making a daily effort not react to my emotions by acting out. the balance i get from being an addict in recovery allows me the freedom to be okay without having to seek revenge for the smallest little slight, which is a HUGE change from when i came into recovery. just for today, i express that gratitude by serving my peers, my employer and my loved ones, to the best of my ability and remember that all that they do for me, requires acknowledgement and words expressing their service to me.

∞ DT ∞