Blog entry for:

i do, cannot be swept under the carpet with a soulful **i am sorry,** no matter how sincere i may be. that does not mean that being tough or refusing to co-sign someone*s bullshit, is damaging to anyone. in fact, sometimes, stepping away and letting another flail around until they find the path they need to follow, is actually helpful, no matter how hurtful they may think it is. i am not a mental health professional, nor am i a medical doctor, so diagnosing someone, based on a pattern of behavior is not something i am qualified to do. i have, however, been very close to someone who was in a psychotic break and remember very clearly the behaviors that were present before they lost touch with all reality and ended up spinning down into a world of delusion and paranoia. whether or not i am witnessing that same pattern now or not from one of my peers, is a tough call, as i have yet to actually meet them in person. i do not like being judged based on limited interaction on virtual meetings, so i am doing my best to apply that same principle to others, even if they seem to be conveniently skipping over a fact or three.
the reading speaks of indirect amends and confused me for a bit of time, as my sponsors have always called for following up direct amends with a “living” amend. in fact, i was taught that mending the way i lived was part of the amends process and pass that on to the men i sponsor as well. living a program of recovery and maintaining that program through a daily TENTH STEP process, allows me to live without piling up a new list of amends to make the next time i cycle back to STEPS EIGHT and NINE. having to consider whether or not i want to admit i am wrong, is a force for good in this addict. if i pause before i respond, i get the opportunity to prevent myself for being wrong, in the first place. it is better living through the application of what i have come to know as i walk this path of recovery. just for today? well just for today, i think i will see if i can cause a bit less chaos, be a bit more understanding and listen a little bit better. i do not need to add to the general sense of angst that fills the world today.

∞ DT ∞