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direct and indirect, is certainly an appropriate topic for me today, considering that i am in a room with my Dad, on Sheridan Wyoming, on our way to our family reunion. once upon a time, especially in active addiction, i would not have been caught dead going anywhere with my Dad, much less to a family reunion, and certainly not in Montana. this is certainly an example of what the reading calls “indirect” amends, but what i would call living amends. nevertheless, here i am, drinking coffee, writing this little ditty and grateful, yes you read that correctly, grateful for this slice of time. all in all, not much more that needs to be said on that topic today.
what is on my mind, besides being grateful and amends of all sorts, is kind of where i am. the past week, i have been dreading this drive, and wondering if i would make it out of Wyoming, with my Dad still alive and in the car. my worry and dread, colored my whole world and i was a miserable cuss, most all of the time, for the past four days. it is true there still will be no head-banging, ska punk blasting out of car speakers, but will get t enjoy a Starbucks and a big cigar. at the meeting last night, and yes i headed out to a meeting, just because it felt like the next right thing to do, i was certainly the member with the most clean time, by miles and miles.that irrelevant fact only seems impressive when one looks at how i felt when i walked into that room, and when i walked out.
my apprehension had faded and i was road weary and exhausted after a late night and an early morning, so yes i had some attitude. amazingly after i took care of some bidness and the bidness of recovery started to get under way, i found myself cutting up, joking around and acting as if i went to meetings with those fine folks, every day of the week. for the first time, since forever it seems, i felt at home, at a meeting far from home. the addicts in attendance may have been young in recovery, but they provided everything this old-timer needed to stay clean and puts some perspective on his place in the world right here and right now. they gave me HOPE to face the world, no matter what and they allowed me to be myself, without throwing me up on some pedestal because i had some time clean. i am grateful i was “one of the guys,” and not an itinerant, visiting spiritual guru. they welcomed me, and i was one of them for that hour and half or so i was there. it certainly does show me how this set of steps has taken me, after all it seems that just yesterday i was afraid i could hold no more love and caring in my heart.
wot up for today? on to Bozeman and to the rest of the family i once disowned. i am looking forward to the quick trip over there the extended weekend that is before me. and guess what? i will more than likely do a meeting maybe two, while i am up there as well. it is after all what recovering addicts do, at least those that have the desire to stick around. so off to the lobby breakfast and into the world itself.

∞ DT ∞