Blog entry for:

to respond to others with intolerance and impatience. yes behaving my way into better thinking, allows me to feel better as well.
as i looked through my entries of the past, i noticed that i never used any of the so-called “negative” aspects of this reading for my seed. i seemed to focus on the good and leave the bad by the wayside, mentioned in and yes even written about, but never as the primary focus. i can see that part of that has to do with where i am in my annual cycle of recovery. trapped in those final days of using, as the summer wanes down and before i actually was forced to get clean, under the penalty of the loss my physical freedom. against that backdrop, i can see that i want to see how well i am doing rather than how unwell. where i am succeeding in living a program rather than where i am falling short. without a doubt the rainbow and daisy look through the rose-coloured glasses, that are part and parcel of who i am.
well today, for something completely different, maybe a brief trip what my current set of behaviors and attitudes say about my current state of being. as i have said in the past two of the tests that indicate quite quickly how i am doing inside:

those are the middle finger salute test and the two asshole rule.
1. if i am saluting my fellow travelers along the highways and byways that i travel with m,y automobile, than i am far from being spiritual.
2. if i encounter one asshole in my daily travails, they just be an asshole. if i encounter two or more? well it just may be me.

with those test so firmly entrenched in my psyche, i have a manner of being instantly in touch with how i am feeling, the rub here though, is when i choose to acknowledge and use them. like the rest of humanity, from time to time, i get so obsessed with self and what i think i need, that everyone else takes a very distant second. i barrel though life full of expectations and seething with anger borne from the unfulfilled expectations of what i believed i deserved. the test than becomes do i really want this, and is it worth the cost i am paying? which starts the the emotional drain spinning in the opposite direction. i get to feel better, because finally i am letting go of those things that i have come to see as what i deserve.
anyhow, gots lots to do this morning, so it is time to perform my abulations and get rolling down the highway.

∞ DT ∞