๐ my past instructs me; ๐
Posted: Fri, Aug 30, 2024 08:48:48 AM
it does not define me, and it no longer controls me. what a statement! this morning, it is certainly on i can live up to, at least in this moment. this has been a very long journey as i lived a lie for decades on end. the worst part of living in that world of ␄alternate facts” was that i had convinced myself that was who i was. as i emerge from the fog of war between what was and what is, i can see that even though i may be a product of every experience, every thought, every action and every feeling that i ever had in the past, i no longer need to see that as more than just that, my past.
this morning, as i sat, two things kept coming up from the depths. the first being the never-ending shitstorm that surrounds one of the candidates for US president and how over-entitled that campaign seems to be about what they can do, without ever asking for permission. it is almost as if they are living in a world where everyone is supposed to know who the fVck they are and bow down and kowtow to them. the other notion was thinking about the TV series we are watching and what may happen next. both of those were easily dismissed as i saw that i really did not need to put any energy is following those trains of thought to the final destination, i just let them chug on without me.
i am not sure why the TV stuff came up, but the other, well that is a pattern of behavior with which i am intimately familiar. been there, done that, certainly have a boatload of those T-shirts. i know about doing whatever the fVck i wanted to do, ,deny any responsibility for the consequences and play the victim when those consequences come home to roost and i no longer take pride in being able to do that. i have heard it said many times before, that which i see the most evident in those around me, is the stuff i do not like in myself. it is true, i do not like to be reminded of those days and it sharpens my focus on who i am today and where i am going.
anyhow, it is time to wrap this up and get moving on my next task of the day. it may be early and i may get an early dismissal from work, but that does not mean i can slack off and wait for the holiday weekend to begin. i am better that that, these days and just for today. i will remember to ask for permission rather than having to ask for forgiveness.
this morning, as i sat, two things kept coming up from the depths. the first being the never-ending shitstorm that surrounds one of the candidates for US president and how over-entitled that campaign seems to be about what they can do, without ever asking for permission. it is almost as if they are living in a world where everyone is supposed to know who the fVck they are and bow down and kowtow to them. the other notion was thinking about the TV series we are watching and what may happen next. both of those were easily dismissed as i saw that i really did not need to put any energy is following those trains of thought to the final destination, i just let them chug on without me.
i am not sure why the TV stuff came up, but the other, well that is a pattern of behavior with which i am intimately familiar. been there, done that, certainly have a boatload of those T-shirts. i know about doing whatever the fVck i wanted to do, ,deny any responsibility for the consequences and play the victim when those consequences come home to roost and i no longer take pride in being able to do that. i have heard it said many times before, that which i see the most evident in those around me, is the stuff i do not like in myself. it is true, i do not like to be reminded of those days and it sharpens my focus on who i am today and where i am going.
anyhow, it is time to wrap this up and get moving on my next task of the day. it may be early and i may get an early dismissal from work, but that does not mean i can slack off and wait for the holiday weekend to begin. i am better that that, these days and just for today. i will remember to ask for permission rather than having to ask for forgiveness.
∞ DT ∞