Blog entry for:

it is how i feel that is really important, and today i feel almost human again. nothing really has changed except i took care of myself yesterday and got rid of some of the shit that was blocking me from the divine. i am still angry at GOD but this morning i do not feel like using. i still feel sad about the fate of my friend Jim, but i have hope that his suffering will be soon be over. i still have empathy for those around me, but today i realize that i do not have to take on their pain and suffering.
my daily maintenance program of recovery would not have appeared to change, but how i do things in starting to move away from the tried and true. no i am not going to stop doing anything that has kept me clean, but the nature of those actions have taken on a whole new look. i am not quite sure what my insides will look like over the course of today, but i am certain that more than one addict will know what i am feeling and thinking.
so what does any of this have to do with the theme of the reading this morning -- recovery is an inside job??? well i am not certain, but at least for this addict, right now, right here it means allowing the process of changing the nature of my relationships with self and GOD to happen. it means that for today anyway i am ready to surrender my will and my life into the care of THE POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR MY NEEDS, regardless of the silly stuff i tell myself.
∞ DT ∞