Blog entry for:

has certainly been the goal of this addict since he was five years old. after admitting that sad fact of my life, the revelations of what i have been feeling since that day, make perfect sense. now, i know i will never be “normal,” and there is nothing wrong with that, as i am NOT broken, nor was i ever broken. peeking back a=t what i have written on this topic over the years, i can see, i have been nibbling around the edges of what has been going on inside of me for so long, that it felt “normal.” coming out of that fog may have not been the most pleasant experience, i have ever had, but it certainly was a necessary one. what once was, is no more and part of that removal process is getting to watch others morph into something better.

Wayne,
my friend and sponsee,
CONGRATS on Seventeen(17) years clean!

as i sat this morning, the thing that kept popping off the stack, was my preparation for my interview on Friday. am i doing enough? what explanation do i owe to my current employer? am i cheating my current employer in any manner by doing this training and interviewing during work hours? what, if anything, do i owe them? here is where the rationalizations and justifications would be inserted, to totally absolve me of any responsibility of being a loyal soldier to this dying cause.
living a life of integrity is tough. finding stuff to do at work,. just to be busy, is even tougher and is “busy work,” really what i need to be doing anyhow? where all of this leads me, is down a path of using my time at work, to improve my skills and take care of what comes up quickly and accurately. i need to be present for my team mates and my boss and take care of the servers that are just spinning uselessly. most of all, i have to be honest with all involved that my goal is to have my last day of work the Friday after i arrive home from Greece. i am working towards making that plan a reality and now that i have stated it “out loud,” i need to let it go, do my footwork and see what happens, as patiently as i possibly can, just for today.

∞ DT ∞