Blog entry for:

was once the measure of my recovery journey. even to this day, the echoes of my NEED to look **good** in the eyes of others, plays a part in how i feel about myself. my journey to this point in my recovery, fraught as it has been with **playing** at looking **good,** has brought me to a place where i GET to be okay with what i can accomplish on a daily basis, rather than showing my peers how much **better** i happen to be today. at this point in my life, my life looks quite **normal** to the rest of the world and as many of my peers have done before, i am sorely tempted to step back from the program and enjoy the benefits of the life i have been given.
as i stay clean i also get to see others making the same journey and celebrate their accomplishment of another year clean

Wayne,
SIXTEEN (16) years of doing this gig.
Congrats my friend, it is an honor to have you in my life!

for me, the one thing that these times has hammered home, is that i NEED the fellowship of my peers. i seem to get the feeling that what i have been given could be lost in a heartbeat of a bad decision. as “cult-like” as this fellowship seems, from time to time, the Kool-Ade i have ingested, has brought me to a place where i can see another day clean as just part of my “normal” life. what i have to do on a daily basis, to maintain this manner of living is far from onerous, even though way back when, it seemed to be far to difficult to achieve.
looking at the world today and my place in it, i sometimes feel it is my mission to carry the “good word” to everyone i encounter. in fact, there are times when my self-worth is based on how well i carry a message of recovery and how i can serve the fellowship that has brought me to this place. when i go there, as i often do, i have to remember that it is not what i do that makes me the man i am, it is how i live each moment of my day. better thinking through better living is the path i have been set upon and this morning i GET to to CHOOSE where that path will take me. i know one thing for sure, that this addict, no matter how “normal” my life looks, i am still an addict and i NEED to live a program of recovery, just for today.

∞ DT ∞