Blog entry for:

strength and the power to stay clean today.
well i hate to be a contrarian, BUT, for me staying clean is much easier than getting clean was for me. in fact the FEAR of having to get clean, ever again, kept me clean for quite some time.
the trick to staying clean? just don't use, just like the other 85% kept telling me, back in the day. what they did not tell me, and could not tell me, is that i NEEDED an outside force to do so. for them, not using is as simple as breathing. they never think about it, when they do use, most of the time it is just for a minute, and if they physically dependent on something like pain-killers, thirty days of treatment and BOOM they are back to their same old selves, once the physical symptoms are gone. fore me, the physical withdrawal is just the very tip of the iceberg, so looking at the possibility that if i use i would have to return to recovery, sooner or later, is certainly impetus enough to keep me clean today.
the reading was spot on in one regard, one only HAS to get clean once. those who live in the revolving door or hang out at the edges looking in, are the ones, i have the most sympathy for, today. as much as i want to drag them in by the short-hairs and duct tape them in their chairs, i know that i have to invite them in and make life in recovery worth the effort of getting clean and staying clean. listening to one those those “i can't get this” share last night, just to hear the sound of their own voice and apologizing for acts that they perpetrated elsewhere was nearly enough to make me puke. i almost did a share directed at them to shut the fVck up until they actually got clean, stayed clean and got some recovery. and then my dang SEVENTH and TENTH STEPS kicked in. i was being intolerant, this person has alienated everyone in their life who could possibly help them to stay clean, by sucking them dry of everything they have ever offered them. their response to suggestions is “i know, BUT” and yet they are surprised that once again they are getting clean, for the umpteenth time. i mean seriously, if you are not going to do the gig, then don', why bother going through the misery if you are just going to repeat it again in less than six weeks.
for me, putting some distance between those who won't, is part of protecting myself from the pain of watching someone self-will themselves out the door. i honestly care about every addict who walks into our doors and even those of the other 85% who find themselves in our shows, they cannot stop using, no matter what. i fully ascribe to the the notion that the only requirement for membership is the desire to stay clean. i am willing to give anyone a chance. there comes a time however, when the broken record is just to much and i turn away. anyone that has been around since 2003 and will not own up to having 6 days clean, again, really needs something more than i can give them. for them it is the staying clean piece that is tough, as the reading seems to indicate. for me, i know what i NEED to do, to stay clean today. all i have to do is surrender to the fact that i am an addict, decide whether or not i want to stay clean today, and ask the POWER that fuels my recovery to provide that power. oh yeah, do whatever it takes to facilitate that decision. really not that hard and certainly not that complex, after all i have been doling it day after day for a minute or two. that is the crest sauce and the magic, nothing more or nothing less, and i give it away for free, no strings attached.
i do however have responsibilities so it is time to hit the shower and head on over to work, after all they do not pay me to write blogs or lounge around in my jammies all day.

∞ DT ∞