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that keeps me clean, just for today, was not what i heard this morning. after a meeting, sitting down with one of the men who call me their sponsor and a workout, however, that seems to be what i am feeling right now. stuff like that happens all the time to me. what i think may be my “guidepost” for this day, changes due to external inputs to my life. driving home from the meeting, it felt like the world had turned against me. no one was driving an adequate speed, everyone seemed to be going where i was going and i really, really had shit to do, before heading out to a wedding. i had no FAITH in getting any sort of semblance of my plans fulfilled and was getting that feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was terribly wrong. sitting here now, in this moment, i have no idea what that was all about, nor do i care. i have worked out, now had some lunch and plenty of time to get ready to go to the wedding celebration i committed to going to. not only is everything okay, it is more than adequate.
as i consider what my sponsee and i spoke about, i see that i too look for “signs” that there is a POWER in my life, even though the bar of that evidence is far lower than his. i am clean today. i am sane today. i am capable of fulfilling obligations today and even when stuff goes south or looks like it just might, i can be okay, some of the time. right now i have to get ready to head down to the celebration and i will n it have chili in my teeth, nor will i be rushing to remove the buckets of sweat i generated during my midday work out. i do not need a burning bush, a chain of miracles nor a heavenly choir to punctuate my day, as i have FAITH that i am cared for and i will get everything i need to stay clean today.

∞ DT ∞