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stopped trying to fight addiction and accepted that is just a fact of life for me, i found the FAITH i needed to stay clean, day after day. there has certainly been more than a few opportunities for me to use on any given day, over the years i have stayed clean. i may pay lip service to the notion that CHOOSE to stay clean and live a program of recovery, on a daily basis, BUT the reality is, that is truly a choice. listening to my brother speak of his feelings about taking up cigarettes, again after twelve years of abstinence, i flt grateful that i have found a way of living that fosters my choice to stay clean and allows me to live in the FAITH that i will get all that i need to remain clean.
as i pound this out this morning, i look to the lessons of this weekend to remind myself of the reasons i continue to choose this manner of living. everyone who i saw using this or that across the course of the weekend, seemed to place greater importance on being present for the celebration. it did make me wonder if that could be me. smelling the “skunks” as i chilled on the patio, i knew right then and there, that if i had made the choice to be one of those who was partaking, i would not be able to be a part of the events of yesterday. my whole attention would have shifted to self-obsession and self-entitlement, and that is not who i want to be today.
moving into the right now, i guess it is time to start packing up and get ready for the drive home. it may have been an expensive weekend, but it was certainly a nice break from the reality of having to work each and every day, if i want to get paid. i worked every single day for the past two weeks, some of it was paid days, some of it on my own. i do not regret having to do so, as it made this four day stretch even sweeter. i do not regret spending the money nor the time to be a part of this celebration, but i do regret allowing myself to be rushed between activities by peer pressure. oh well, there are certainly no victims here, as i CHOSE to say yes, instead of standing on a weak foundation of what i thought i may “need” to do. i get to make that sort of choices today, and i can CHOOSE to be regretful and resentful, or ii can CHOOSE to look at the big picture and realize that none of that is worthy of getting my tighty-whities in a bun over, just for today.

∞ DT ∞