Blog entry for:

daily prayer and surrender as long as i keep faith and renew it. well, here i am muck later than normal, writing about this topic, and although i wholeheartedly agree with the reading in toto, i do have an issue with one line. it says getting clean is easier than staying clean, and if i lift that line out of context, i beg to differ. i can however, put it back with its qualification that i have to only GET clean ONCE.
being the loophole sort of addict when it comes to recovery, i often lift passages out of context, to illustrate a point, so this morning i do not agree with the piece i lifted, BUT when slipped back in, i can see the point.
for me, at least these days staying clean is far easier than the hell of GETTING clean again. although it has been some time since the last time i used, getting clean was one of the hardest things that i ever did. staying clean in those early days was a daily grind, and quite truthfully, i never expected to be able to stay clean for any amount of time, even with the swift sword of judicial consequences slavering for my soul. so when i get a call from the only sponsee i ever fired, a collect call at that, i can empathize with him,. although he may believe i have abandoned him to his fate, i have taken steps to allow him to communicate with me. perhaps, he like me back in the day, is finally ready surrender. that is beyond my knowledge at this time and if he ever gets over his bruised feelings perhaps we will get the chance to talk.
staying clean these days is a piece of cake. i KNOW for a fact, where the power for me to stay clean comes from, and i have FAITH that if i do what i was taught to do, i CAN and WILL stay clean yet another day. it really is not all that complicated. acknowledge what i am, surrender to that fact, and ask for the POWER to stay clean from the SOURCE, a HIGHER POWER. the ease with which i can do those very things, is a GIFT from doing it again and again, day after day, no matter what. i have become habituated to staying clean, and that is not a bad thing. i am a better person because of that, and i am certain that the world is just a little better off because i stay clean. one less addict, running and gunning is a good thing, in both the short and long run.
where do i go from here? well i have a few things to take care of yet today, and i got up way too early this morning,m so perhaps a nap is in my future, right now, i am filled with gratitude that i am clean, and the path to stay clean is laid out before me, regardless of what curves life may toss my way. so on that note, i think i will head out to phase two of my not so busy day, filled with a certain knowledge that i can be sustained on FAITH alone, at least in the spiritual sense of the world, the mundane world, may take a bit of work.

∞ DT ∞