๐ striving to ๐
Posted: Mon, Nov 17, 2025 11:25:03 AM
maintain and build on my surrender, i am better able to live and enjoy life in the moment. well, i have been more than a bit preoccupied lately, for the second time in the past week, i was almost in an automobile accident, due to not paying attention to what was happening in that moment. it certainly is ironic that in the rest of my life, i am hyper aware of what i am doing and counting the number of times i drop into judging someone based on my extensive list of expectations of how others “should” behave. one distraction after another is preventing me from seeing what i need to see and those two near calamities are a sign that i need to let go and stop obsessing about what is not happening in the here and now.
i know that yesterday i was not in the mood to write anything, as i wanted to get out and about and on to my next destination. another “'sign” that i am in the “what is next” rather than the what is. this whole surrender gig feels a bit put on right now. i feel like i am “faking it until i make it,” which is not the place i desire to be in this phase of my recovery. the words of “wisdom” that i gave my peer on Saturday are coming back to haunt me today. do i need to explore alternative methods of treating my addiction as i stay grounded firmly in the process of recovery that has been my life? have i been infected with the angst he described or am i just seeking the ways and means to distract myself from the task at hand: making a decision to turn my will and my life into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery?
questions, questions, questions and very few answers coming down the pike. what i took from my dip into the void this morning and my trot around my 'hood, is to let go of expecting those answers to come in a flash of light accompanied by a clap of thunder and feel my way through to letting go and being okay with whatever my purpose happens to be today. i know where my feet are and the empathy i felt for my peer on Saturday is echoing within me, which is probably not a bad thing. knowing where i am and seeking direction is never a bad thing, after all, i did not get clean to allow myself to become someone who cannot rationally and critically think for himself.
i know that yesterday i was not in the mood to write anything, as i wanted to get out and about and on to my next destination. another “'sign” that i am in the “what is next” rather than the what is. this whole surrender gig feels a bit put on right now. i feel like i am “faking it until i make it,” which is not the place i desire to be in this phase of my recovery. the words of “wisdom” that i gave my peer on Saturday are coming back to haunt me today. do i need to explore alternative methods of treating my addiction as i stay grounded firmly in the process of recovery that has been my life? have i been infected with the angst he described or am i just seeking the ways and means to distract myself from the task at hand: making a decision to turn my will and my life into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery?
questions, questions, questions and very few answers coming down the pike. what i took from my dip into the void this morning and my trot around my 'hood, is to let go of expecting those answers to come in a flash of light accompanied by a clap of thunder and feel my way through to letting go and being okay with whatever my purpose happens to be today. i know where my feet are and the empathy i felt for my peer on Saturday is echoing within me, which is probably not a bad thing. knowing where i am and seeking direction is never a bad thing, after all, i did not get clean to allow myself to become someone who cannot rationally and critically think for himself.
∞ DT ∞