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and have the ability to laugh at myself. and so once again, i come around to the infamous winners reading. i can already hear some of the shares my more predictable peers will be putting out ringing in my head, and i cringe thinking about them. it is a good thing that projection only lasts so long for me these days, and that i can and will step beyond that.
so all about winners, and what i think about it. i was with a winner last night and got to work a step with him. of all the men, who choose to call me their sponsor, he is the most distant from me. that is not necessarily a bad thing, but like the good people-pleasing, self-flagellating addict that i can be, i wonder what i did to make him keep his distance. perhaps, it was nothing that i did, just the same course of events as it was between my sponse and me. there is some remarkable convergence there, and maybe that is a model that i can adopt.
i was scared sh!tless and felt less than and was intimidated by my sponsor when i first met him. i promptly put him on a pedestal and did all i could to avoid doing anything with him, except purely social stuff. it was my intention, that i would never let him close enough to be my friend, let alone my sponsor. he was way too much of a winner, and of course i was not worthy. in my mind's eye he shone far too brightly for me to get close to, after all, i remembered what happened to Icarus. then, my sponsor disappeared off the face of the earth, as if abducted by aliens to some far-off world, and i was stuck, who did i feel comfortable enough with, to finish my current set of steps and how was i going to find him. being the slackard i am, i decided to move up the tree, to my missing sponsor's sponsor and the rest as the cliché goes, is history. the man i was afraid was going to burn me to a cinder in the light and power of his recovery, has become my friend, and holds the keys to all of the garbage i have accumulated and dealt with, across the course of the past decade. what finally got me past my FEAR, was that with his encouragement, i became more than i ever was, and continue that journey today. when i realized that he was just like me, the major difference being that his last use was over a decade further away than mine. i became willing and open-minded enough to let him into my life. it was then and there that i became a winner and not a whiner.
so will my relationship with the man who shared his step work with me last night gow in a similar manner? i dunno, but i do know that the time has come to wrap this up and head on out to what being part of the real world means, making my daily living. it is a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞