Blog entry for:

if i am clean today and working my program to the best of my ability, i am a winner! although with this cold i have developed over the past few days i hardly feel like any sort of a winner. well like most physical ailments of this type, this too shall pass, all i have to do is wait. unfortunately when it stops me from working out, waiting is not what i want to do.
which is an apt metaphor for the reading this morning. i may not ascribe to the whole disease concept of addiction -- hook, line and sinker, but it does provide an entry point into recovery. i understand and accept that i am not wired like those who never feel the NEED to use, and whether that is a result of nature or nurture, really does not matter, it is REAL and it does affect my life. just like a cold does, but in a more pervasive scale. i can whine and complain about being an addict, just as i whine about having a cold, but unlike my cold, there is ample evidence in my life that addiction will not be gone in a matter of days. nor can i ignore treating my addiction. i can safely ignore treating a cold, and yes my life may be more miserable as a result, but a cold will run its course and be gone. addiction on the other hand is with me 24/7, 365.25 days a year, for the rest of my life. choosing to not treat my symptoms, especially the most obvious one, uncontrolled drug use, is not something i choose to do today. burying my head in the sand is definitely not a thing a winner would choose to do, and today i have a choice. i woke up this morning, sniffling and sneezing and took some over the counter medication to alleviate those symptoms and went on with my day. i also woke up this morning with addiction raging in my head and chose to stay clean, no matter what, i then asked for the grace to do so. i then moved forward into the rest of my morning routine, secure in the knowledge that no matter what happens, i would have the ability to stay clean, because i allow a HIGHER POWER to provide that for me.
so i guess that makes me a winner so far today, and i will work a program of active recovery to the best of my ability, to keep on winning. after all, the finish line is visible it is only 13 or 14 hours away, then i can relax and prepare for yet another winning day. so into the shower and down to Denver i go.

∞ DT ∞