Blog entry for:

brings out the best in **ME.** it is quite true, that i can be so self-absorbed i hear nothing but the sound of my own internal conversation. even worse, i may offer unsolicited advice based on part of what i heard someone else say. what brings that to the top of the stack was a friend and peer in recovery heard me share about how i once blamed myself for the suicide of my sponsee, as i allowed myself to fall victim to the my internal shame machine screaming at me that i SHOULD have known, i SHOULD have done more, and i SHOULD have been closer to him than i was. that all got shut-down, bit by bit over the years and turned off entirely when i let go of the shame that colored my life since i was five years old. i knew yesterday that my friend IS in a better place and suffering no more and nothing about how he got there is on me. when i got the unsolicited advice from my newcomer friend, telling me exactly that this morning, i knew he had tuned out just about everything i said about my journey to acceptance and how i allowed myself to feel the pain and sadness of this loss. instead of calling him out for his lack of paying attention and actually listening to what i shared, i decided that he is doing the best he can, with what he has and he does not have a whole lot of recovery, people skills or self-respect. i know where i am in my process and even if he does not get it, it really is not relevant to me, after all i am not going to use if i get advice to do what i am already doing.
being oblivious to what others are trying to say, seems to be in my DNA. more than once i was the one offering unsolicited advice when someone just wanted to dump their stuff on the side of the road and wanted me to listen quietly and not offer feedback. as i stay clean i see that the “we” part of recovery is not only something i need, but it is something i need to contribute to, each and every time i am with an addict one-on-one or in a meeting. i can move forward today, knowing full well that i am a part of something greater and need not be the lighthouse keeper, managing the way, isolated form my peers, against the storms of life. i can share their burden, lighten their load and know that when the shoe is on the other foot, they too, can and will do that for me, just for today.

∞ DT ∞